RhinoJuice

I'd like a pee-in-the-bed, please!

2010-04-19T07:51:00.001-05:00

The English word dandelion comes from French dent-de-lion, “lion’s tooth.” This name derives from the toothed leaves of the plant. Modern French speakers call the dandelion pissenlit, “pee in the bed.” Middle English speakers called it the piss-a-bed. Herbalists know that the dandelion has diuretic qualities.

Mantra for the Day!

2009-01-19T09:44:00.000-06:00

There are no short cuts to anywhere worth going.

An Egg-sa-lent question

2008-11-16T07:45:00.003-06:00

this has been on my mind lately... why the hell are eggs lumped in the category of "dairy foods", especially when they lack the fundamental qualifier of the category, which I thought was: milk.

Is it just because they're white? no, that can't be the case, otherwise we'd see marshmallows in the category too. I just don't get it, it should be under the category of "meat" considering it is "meat".. a chicken, well, a chicken that could be..

Eggs can't be put categorized dairy because of it's undetermined globular existence (being unfertilized & all) otherwise caviar should be in the category too, right.. which is another question.

The only other reason I could think of is that it's a substance extracted from an animal that isn't yet alive and didn't involve the slaughtering of the original animal.. but that can't be the qualifier.. cuz I could technically extract blood from an animal w/o killing it & that wouldn't be considered dairy. hmmm. where would you categorize "blood" btw.. so many questions.

My conclusion: we need another category to our standard set of "food groups". It should be "miscellaneous" where we can jump dump any of the outliers.

Lovely Linguistics

2008-09-23T00:05:00.001-05:00

I like this... eloquently stated...

The linguistic clumsiness of tourists & students might be the price we pay for the linguistic genius we displayed as babies, just as the decrepitude of age is the price we pay for the vigor of youth.

-- The Language Instinct (Steven Pinker)

The End of The End

2008-06-03T11:05:00.003-05:00

“A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within.”

A. Durant
_________________________

I watched Apocalypto last night, again, for the umpteenth time.. Never noticed before, but it starts off with this quote. Brilliant! And so true.

Don't Call Me!!

2008-05-13T15:50:00.001-05:00

Not that you were planning on it, but just in case you were thinking about.. DON'T CALL ME!!!

To be honest I never really had such a great relationship with my phone, but now, our relationship has taken a turn for the worse. I had it in the front pocket of my sweatshirt and I forgot I had it there. I bent down to pick up the poo from my dog, and of course, the damn thing slipped out of my pocket and into the pile of poo. i was speechless. I wanted to do an apple + undo (or control + z) maneuver. Not an option though. yuck. So, after I gingerly escorted the phone back into the house and dry sterilized the thing with half a bottle of lysol disinfectant.. well, shit, I still can't forgive that it did a poo-dive. I just can't put the damn thing to my face and talk into it... at least yet. give me another week and maybe at that point I'll forgive it..

The Columbian Exchange

2008-05-09T08:34:00.005-05:00

Ever since 1492, the hemispheres have become more and more alike, as people mix the world's organisms into a global stew. Thus bananas and coffee, two African crops, become the principal agricultural exports of Central America; maize and manioc, domesticated in Mesoamerica and Amazonia respectively, return the favor by becoming staples in tropical Africa. Meanwhile, plantations of rubber trees, an Amazon native, undulate across Malaysian hillsides; peppers and tomatoes from Mesoamerica form the culinary backbones of Thailand and Italy; Andean potatoes lead Ireland to feast and famine; and apples, native tothe Middle East, appear in markets from Manaus to Manila to Manhattan.
...a term for this biological ferment; the Columbian Exchange.

By knitting together the seams of Pangea, Columbus set off an ecological explosion of a magnitude unseen since the Ice Ages.
________________________________________________

--Excerpt from "1491" By Charles Mann.
A most excellent book I'm currently reading by Charles Mann. Put it on your reading list! Learn the truth about the real "America", unless of course, you'd prefer to believe the misinformation dished out to you by your childhood textbooks.

Ice Cold Inspiration

2008-04-22T09:15:00.008-05:00

Beautiful pictures of icebergs. Enjoy them while while they're still solid!
____________________________

Icebergs in the Antarctic area sometimes have stripes, formed by layers of snow that react to different conditions.

Blue stripes are often created when a crevice in the ice sheet fills up with melted water and freezes so quickly that no bubbles form.

When an iceberg falls into the sea, a layer of salty seawater can freeze to the underside. If this is rich in algae, it can form a green stripe.

Brown, black and yellow lines are caused by sediment, picked up when the ice sheet grinds downhill towards the sea.

If Only

2008-04-16T10:01:00.009-05:00

A classic... although too bad Hillary & the Pope escaped. The world almost
had a chance to rid itself of 3 cancers. ahhh. maybe next time.

Left to Be A Sucker

2008-04-15T11:41:00.007-05:00

I met a woman last night who had a left-handed notebook. It was spiral bound, it had perforat-able pages and then ring holes on the outer sides of the pages VS being on the inner side. At first I was impressed and in awe that these things exist, but then I realized, she too, that since she uses both sides of the pages, that it offers as much comfort as does a right-handed notebook. What a waste of extra moolah!!!

I did some further investigating into this matter and I would say the majority of products out there catered for the south-paw are pretty much the same type of rip off. (not all - some products like scissors, cheese shredders, bottle openers, etc.. are real improvements) But, jeez, look at these binders - wow! what a huge improvement over the right-handed ones. definately worth the extra dollar.

Perhaps the success of these products lies in the psychology. After years of being ignored, the South-paw is finally being recognized as a unique & profitable market? Perhaps the south-paw likes the fact that all their toys have their Left-Handed Brand on it and they're using it as a statement "They're a force to be reckoned with! Take that you right-handers!"

I don't know.. to me, it just sounds like, in the majority of cases, these people who buy these products are just suckers. buying completely worthless items for twice the dollars and zero the improvement. But hey, I could be wrong, after all I am a right-hander?

I respect left-handers and the difficulties they have to overcome on a daily basis.

A Little Perspective...

2008-04-11T11:48:00.010-05:00

Take a good look at the diet of each country and the cost of what is eaten in one week.
(I received this in an email.. Humbling!!! and Embarrassing! )

_________________________________
Italy: The Manzo family of Sicily
Food expenditure for one week: 214.36 Euros or $260.11

________________________________
Germany: The Melander family of Bargteheide
Food expenditure for one week: 375.39 Euros or $500.07

_________________________________

United States: The Revis family of North Carolina
Food expenditure for one week $341.98

_________________________________

Mexico: The Casales family of Cuernavaca
Food expenditure for one week: 1,862.78 Mexican Pesos or $189.09

_________________________________

Poland: The Sobczynscy family of Konstancin-Jeziorna
Food expenditure for one week: 582.48 Zlotys or $151.27

_________________________________

Egypt: The Ahmed family of Cairo
Food expenditure for one week: 387.85 Egyptian Pounds or $68.53

_________________________________

Ecuador: The Ayme family of Tingo
Food expenditure for one week: $31.55

_________________________________

Bhutan: The Namgay family of Shingkhey Village
Food expenditure for one week: 224.93 ngultrum or $5.03

_________________________________

Chad: The Aboubakar family of Breidjing Camp
Food expenditure for one week: 685 CFA Francs or $1.23

_________________________________

I Q'd It

2008-04-11T11:35:00.003-05:00

argggghhhh. So, I'm not a good test taker... I have too many unanswered clarifying questions. Can I use that as my excuse?

Here's a good IQ test to take.
http://www.mikescomputerinfo.com/inteltest.htm

All I have to say is, at least I scored "normal intelligence" AND better yet, I beat Bill Gates. Take that!

Sucky Lucky

2008-04-10T08:33:00.003-05:00

I was driving home from work last night down a semi-residential neighborhood and out of nowhere a black cat charged across the street in front of my car barely missing a squashing. I didn't think much of it except "stupid cat.. not the best of runners & car dodgers." I continued down the street and a half a block later another black cat charged across the street but this time from the opposite direction. What the !#^#@!. Is there a black cat convention going on here??

Then it hit me. I'm screwed. 2 black cats have just crossed my path. I should just go home (if I can even make it) and lock myself in - to possibly avoid the mishaps coming my way. But then as I thought about it - did I just earn doubly bad luck OR did they cancel each other out because they both crossed my path in opposite directions? I guess we'll see.

Better Than Sliced Bread I Think

2008-04-08T12:57:00.002-05:00

I met this guy at the bar last weekend. He was drinking not beer, but a real drink, a hardcore drink, a drink that properly gets the job done. He wasn't that special or memorable or anything, but he had a brilliant idea.

He selects his drinks based on the current season. A simple idea, yet fascinating at the same time. It's how it should be!! I really believed he was onto something. Now, I myself, choose a drink and then stick with it, like for years.. but this guy tailored his selection to the season - brilliant!!! And thereby opening up the possibilities of the bar. Why had I never thought of this?

We had a very lengthy discussion on this.. I encouraged him to expand it & instead try varying it based on the month, versus just the season. What delight!!

Bill!!!!

2008-04-07T15:03:00.002-05:00

On friday I watched the Bill Maher show. He's my man! Love 'em.

At one point he was interviewing PA's Rupublican - Arlen Spector. He brought up a really good point. If Bush had rejected Cheney as his VP nomination and instead offered the job to Spector, they could've run as: Bush and Spector OR if ya say it real fast - Bush-N-Inspector.

heh, heh. Ya kill me, Bill!!

The 500 lb Artist

2008-04-01T08:44:00.002-05:00

just frikin' amazing! watch this video of an elephant drawing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He7Ge7Sogrk&NR=1

Hugo Chavez was here!

2008-03-31T08:28:00.004-05:00

I like being anonymous at the gym. Period. Especially so - with the aerobics instructors - once they learn your name, you're picked on motivationally & you're screwed from ever having an anonymous, peaceful workout again.

So, it's a little annoying that when I enter the gym, scan in my membership card & the big scanning machine flashes the message :: Welcome.. [ insert full name here ] It's no biggie or anything, it's just when there's 10 people all around you waiting to get in as well, they all see your name too. And then one loses their anonymity.

A month ago it was funny, though. I was waiting in line behind some guy, spacing off, I looked up at the scanner & it said Welcome Hugo Chavez. I did a double-take. I can't believe Hugo Chavez goes to my gym! How did he get in the country!

See - and this illustrates the problem. Who you are is no one's biz but your own. You yourself should be doing the introductions, not a machine, & it shouldn't be done involuntarily.

Banned for Life at Disneyland

2008-03-28T13:09:00.002-05:00

funny!!

No more Introductions

2008-03-28T12:29:00.006-05:00

"What do you do for a living?" I'm a web designer.. I do web design for a living.. I do it from 8 - 4, Monday through Friday.. and that's it. It's merely a statement of fact & nothing more. You know what it isn't - it isn't an invitation to redo YOUR web site.

As of late, when someone asks me what I do, I begrudgingly reply with the above as quietly as I can **WITH** bonus muffles & coughs. It's not that I'm embarrassed of my profession, but every single time < no exaggeration here > I respond with it, the person I'm speaking with suddenly has a web site that they desperately need to have designed & it's now my lucky day because I'm the one who's gonna do it for them. Here's a shocker for the world - but maybe, just maybe, I don't want to do it. I design all day long & the last thing I want to do in my spare time is to do MORE web design. It's quite funny actually - after the above happens, I start laughing inside - did I respond to the question with "web design" or did I respond with "web design & I really really really REALLY want to design a site for you". Arggghhhhh!!!

The Magic of Plastic

2008-03-23T18:27:00.006-05:00

One of the best of ideas that's sprung from capitalism are the gift certificate cards. Now I have to admit, I love getting them.. as that ensures that I get an item that I actually want - especially when it comes to clothes. However, businesses must triple or quadruple their profits from them.

- Half the people that receive them never use them (so, it's completely wasted money OR profit-profit-profit for the biznesses)

- Of those that do use them, they either don't use up the full amount or they exceed the amount and spend more.. most times, more than they ever anticipated.

- Then there's the gift certificate cards that have an expiration date.. really?? do they have to go and do that - that's just plain mean.

- And then there's the bonus.. that the stores were able to entice the shopper into their store, a store that the shopper may not have ever ventured into.

God damn.. the store wins this one hands down - they benefit no matter how one responds to the situation. Whoever thought up this one deserves a raise or maybe just a hefty gift certificate.

Beyonce Biz Gone Bad

2008-02-11T09:00:00.000-06:00

Beyonce is a truly beautiful woman.. but this picture (from the grammies) just did her wrong. (Well, I'm hoping it's just a bad picture versus a bad plastic surgery job) Her left boob is twice as big as her right boob, they're on completely different elevations or plains? and, an unsettling distance apart. The picture scares me. What moron chose to use this picture in the papers? crazy! maybe that's why Yoko has that funny expression on her face? what does she know?

Too Much Technology

2008-01-01T12:36:00.000-06:00

I went home for Christmas this year. To my amazement, my parents had just bought a brand spanking new TV. It was a flatscreen, it was High Def, and it was way too big for the room they had it sitting in. Irregardless though, the picture / clarity was incredible. I really enjoyed it.. that was until my show ended and the local news came on.

I don't know if it was how the station was shooting the news, if it was the close distance from where they were shooting OR if the newscasters were just former aliens.. but it was some scary shit!!
Had I not immediately turned the channel to get away from the zombies, I'm positive I would've experienced some nasty nightmares later on. I can't believe it came to this, but I was actually begging my parents to turn back to the ol' pixelated channel (vs high def).

It's weird - Movies look great in high def, but the local news.. I don't know.. they either need to shoot the newscasters from a generous distance or hirer some better looking journalists?

3 Things To Ponder

2007-12-18T02:21:00.000-06:00

I got this in an email today.. kinda funny.

Three Things to Ponder:

1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

Cows
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

The Constitution
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for
Iraq . Why don't we just give them ours? It was
written by a lot of really smart guys, it has for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

The 10 Commandments
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.

Who Get's Columbus Day?

2007-12-09T15:12:00.000-06:00

Every Columbus Day, atleast here in the U.S, the Italians whip out the flags and celebrate their italian main man with parades and festas, and I'm sure in plenty of other patriotic ways..

Well, I'm sorry.... but someone needs to them to find another holiday. How can they claim him & his success when they showed no support for the guy when he needed it most. And, what exactly did he DO for Italy? Squat! Call me crazy, but I've yet to see a country in the 'americas' who's official language (from european domination) is italian?

If anyone should memorialize him, it should be Spain and only Spain. He opened up a door for Spain (and incidentally for other countries that would follow) and filled their coffers with gold & other gems & natural resources.. all from the raping & pillage of the americas. And it's safe to say Spain was the biggest European winner.. let's just count all the spanish speaking people in the americas. Funny thing is though... you can still, as of today, find a handful of bitter spaniards when it comes to Columbo's fame. Afterall, how can the day go to an Italian, when it was spanish pesetas funding it, spanish ships making the voyage, spanish crewman doing all the work, and 3 very knowledgeable sea captains, brothers, who were leading the damn expedition. Columbus had a hunch, some funky maps & the cohones to pitch the idea, that's it. Does he really deserve the day all to himself? He probably couldn't even speak the language. (I wonder how that worked out, exactly??)

And then, there's everyone in the americas. How can WE, all of us, celebrate the beginning of the end.. the rape, the pillage, the murder of billions of innocent natives. Columbus Day, if it's to exist.. should be a memorial holiday, not a festival nor honorary holiday. Ahww.. that's right, the US does the same for Thanksgiving. The white man is so damn good at spinning things their way.

One last note, in the U.S., we use the blanket statement of saying Columbus discovered America. And really, to those who haven't studied the expedition outside of our biased history books, would think that he discovered America - meaning the US. Well folks, from faulty calculations he missed the damn country and only ever touched the islands in the caribbean (side note: my heart goes out to them). The U.S. needs to axe the frikin' holiday, it's not even relevant to us. Although, for the record, I could be persuaded to keep the fake holiday IF and only IF, that meant another day off from work.

Chicago isn't always "the city that works"

2007-12-09T11:20:00.000-06:00

Last weekend Chicago had a bad-a$$ miserable 1st snowstorm. It snowed in the earlier afternoon, the temp dropped to the teens, and then was followed immediately by a bitter episode of freezing sleet and wicked wind. It was brutal, but to be expected from Chicago. What sucked though, was that I got stuck for 2+ hours on the green line El (elevated train).

A few factors that made this ride.. a ride from hell.. not to mention an experience I'll never forget.

#1 - Time
I lost 1/2 a day, trying to get home. (just 8 miles to get home.. but today it felt like 800 miles) Ridiculous.

#2 - The bad-a$$ light show
The damn freezing sleet put the tracks under an impenetrable casing of ice. It took us about 1.5 hours to go from downtown to Pulaski (about 3 or 4 miles). As we inched along, the buildings directly adjacent to the tracks were displaying an erratic lightshow, a result of the train's 3rd rail sparking off & smoking like crazy. Cool to see from below.. freaky to see for those riding on the train.

#3 - Heat or lack of
Because the 3rd rail (the source of electricity) was iced over, the cars could not suck the juice they needed to remain powered. When the lights went out it was a little freaky, but when the heat went out.. I got nervous. Perhaps because I was already freezing my a$$ off & my fingers were numb. Oh ya, and the fact that we were stuck way up in the sky between track stations - see #4.

#4 - Stuck in the sky
Unlike the majority of the tracks, the green line has several portions of its tracks that are not the typical 1 floor up. The green's tracks go from 1 - 3 floors up.. luckily for us, the spot we were getting stuck on was the "3 floors up" portion. fabulous!! So, if the car slipt off the tracks we were screwed.. and if we had to get off the train & walk to the station, we'd have to walk on minimally there, icy tracks, 3 floors up. Too bad for people like me who have "height issues".

#5 - No communication
The damn driver never felt the need to get on the PA and let all the passengers know what was going on. Thanks Bud!

#6- Bumper cars
Because we had no word from the driver, we did not know that we were the 2nd of many trains stuck on the tracks. I could just envision the train behind us ramming right into us and throwing us all from the tracks... make sure to read #4.

#7 - Rough Neighborhood
After 1+ hours of inching along, if we could.. we by some miracle made it to the Pulaski/Lake stop. Riders were jumping on and off, trying to figure out what was going on & finally the driver decided to inform us of the situation. After hearing this dismal situation we were all in, I took advantage of the fact that we could get off. I yelled out if anyone else was heading to Oak Park.. and who'd want to share a cab with me. Brilliant idea, I thought. So I called a cab company, and of course, it's a 1+ hour wait - cuz everyone else had this same idea. Sh!T. Scratch that.. so next I considered the bus idea. Unfortunately though, no buses go from our stop to directly west. Damn! So, luckily, the people I were going to share the cab with (who were from Madison) said they had a friend who could pick them up. I put on my puppy eyes and begged to bum a ride off them. They were totally cool with it and really sweet. So, right as we leave the station, this black guy approaches us and kindly says - "Listen, I'm black and I don't even feel comfortable in this neighborhood, you're white and, well you know". Jesus! of course we had to get stuck here! Well, we go down from the station and within 15 minutes our ride pulls up and luckily no one got mugged or killed.

So, to end.. The only positive thing about having shity weather - is that it keeps everyone, even the punks inside. Luckily the streets were in decent condition and we could get home... otherwise I'd still probably be traumatized.

Unconditional Love for Treats

2007-11-12T20:34:00.001-06:00

Honestly... sometimes I think my dog only loves me because I'm the only one in the house who can reach her treat jar. She plants herself in front of it as soon as I get home from work, or from the gym, and refuses to leave that position until I've given her a chewstick. And sometimes, even after I've already given her her treat for the day, she'll return to that position and just wait.. the little bitch knows my memory isn't so hot, and knows that she has a 50 - 62% chance that I'll forget whether or not I've given her one for the day, meaning.. she's got a damn good chance of scoring another one due to my sad-a$$ short term memory.. the little bitch. She totally takes advantage of me.

The Ninth Ring of Stink

2007-11-05T21:12:00.000-06:00

I've encountered many stinky things in this world. Some that I still haven't been able to forget are: the chicago ass smell which one encounters walking by an alley in the heart of downtown, soy milk gone bad, a bandaid on the finger washed one too many times, the horsefarts that come out my dog's arse, .. and so on. I think if I had more freetime I could create the 9 rings of stink, just like Dante. But a new one that I discovered today, that I'm definately going to have to consider for that 9th ring of putridness is: the bottoms of my dog's paws. Good lord..

See, I was laying next to her today on the floor, taking a nap, and both of us lied there with stretched out appendages. To my unluckiness, her back paws ended up right near my shoulder. I started to give her a foot massage and just out of curiousity I smelled it.. sweet jesus! I've smelled nothing like it in all my life. It was a toxic combination of puppy sweat, ammonia, bleach, piss, dirt.. I can't even find the words to describe the stank.. let's just say "unique dog paw putridness". My sweet little innocent puppy.. armed with the most vile of stank.. all this time.. who knew?

Not a Second to Loose

2007-11-01T13:05:00.000-05:00

I'm driving home from work the other day.. I glance out the side window and see a teeny bopper biking home from school. ok, nothing wrong with that.. and then I do a double take. The girl is biking on the sidewalk whilst reading a book. WTF? Call me crazy, but that's gotta mean eminent doom for her. I could spend the next 2 hours listing out potential disasters likely to occur. What the hell is she thinking??

Can't we americans just focus on one thing at a time anymore? Or, do we constantly have to multitask and triple, quadruple our output per second. This is getting ridiculous. But on the other hand, this girl is primed for when she starts driving.. she'll be able to drive, read a book, talk on the phone, paint her nails, & change the baby's diaper all at once. Fab!

An Olympically Sized F*ck-up!

2007-10-23T08:26:00.000-05:00

The World Boxing Event is in Chicago this week. That's exciting. This is apparently Chicago's last ditch attempt in trying to convince the world that it could handle the 2016 olympics. As much as I'd love the 2016s to come to Chicago, I think I've lost all hope in this ever happening. We keep tripping all over ourselves.

Let's see, first there was the logo. Apparently the Million Dollar ad agency that the city hired to design the logo forgot to read the rules on 'olympic logo-making' and made the logo with a forbidden object - the olympic torch. So, after all the hoopla, all the chotchies & banners made, the city had to torch every instance of the damn logo. Too bad, I kinda liked it. So, instead what they scraped together for a new logo is a really sad-a$$ star version (taking its cue from the stars on the city's flag) blah! my 4 year old niece could make something more exciting.

Next trip up was the Chicago Marathon. Worldly event that couldn't have gone any worse than it did. Millions of people in one congested area and the city f*cked up bigtime with poor coordination & thousands of innocent runners ending up in the hospital or, in the grave. A shame!

Then, there's the whopper of them all - the city's mass transit system. Always a black eye for the city! Every year it barely misses bankrupcy, it's poorly funded by a back-a$$wards state government, and every year there are more disasters from it piece by piece falling apart. What doesn't the city/state understand. You're only as good as your mass transit. This is like the circulatory system of the damn city, if this fails, it takes down all the vital organs. My point is, without a respectable mass transit system that could reliably transport the millions, you haven't got a chance at olympic dreams.

As mighty as our mayor is, strong-arming his way into getting whatever he needs for his city, I don't think he can get the 2016s. His city is making an arse of itself. Sad!

Un-Fair-Hair

2007-10-22T16:52:00.000-05:00

One of the things I really hate about being Italian is that, like most Italians, I've got lots-o-hair. I've got hair, it's dark in color, AND it grows at phenominal rates. I guess that's why Italy is one of the lucky countries located on "the hair belt." Ooo-rah! I shave my leg hair in the morning and I can just tell by evening it's thinking about popping right back up. Resistance is futile, yet I try over and over to conquer. Pah! I haven't got a chance.

One thing I've always wondered though is... how does the hair know that it's been cut or shaved? Now, the hair on my head, I don't mind that it grows so fast - infact, that's helpful.. especially when I'm trying to overcome a bad haircut. My leg hair though - when it grows, it grows, and then eventually caps out when it reaches a certain height. (gathered from extensive testing, years back) But how does it know it's grown the maximum height? and lets say, I was to lop off only half of the hair with scissors - how does it know it's not the predetermined size & it's now time to restart the growing process? Is there any possible way into tricking it not to grow? Or is it 'tapped into the system' & is immediately notified by my traitorous brain that I just put forth effort in defying it's natural predetermined destiny. What if I had someone else do it for me whilst I was sleeping - would it know?? Or maybe it has sensors on the tips & can tell it's size by touch. And same shit with my dog's hair - it has a maximum length.. how does the damn hair know when it's not at proper size?

I guess, yet another bizarre phenomonem with us highly complicated & evolved mammals.

Silly Sarah Sells Seashells on the Silvery Sailboat

2007-10-18T21:05:00.000-05:00

Sarah Silverman... I'm diggin' your new show - The Sarah Silverman Show. It's frikin' hilarious! And, no matter how much I try to prepare myself for something shocking, you never fail to surprise me with your boldness - confronting very touchy issues (in a comedic way) that no one (no politician, reporter, no-one) would ever even attempt to talk about in our stupid-a$$ politically correct world. You do it in such a outrageous & overdone way that it's easy for everyone, even the stupid-a$$es, to see how ridiculous we humans can be & can act. Well done! Shows like yours are this countries only hope of ever 'growing up'?

And, once more, why is it only the comedians who can talk about those 'touchy' issues, and for gods sakes, our reality? Those who have the power in this world & who could do something about it - avoid these topics like the plague or dance around them - being the pussies they all are. Comedians are the only ones out there courageous enough to point out the sad truth in our lives & give us perspective on how silly we act. And it's the acknowledgement of it & reflection of it, which is the first step in ever changing anything. It's a sad day when our comedians have more honesty & integrity than do our politicians.

All Hail the Chief

2007-10-17T09:52:00.000-05:00

Stephen Colbert has announced his candidacy for president. The decision between evil & slime no longer has to be made... I know who's getting my vote! Stevie, buddy, I'll vote for ya, even if that means 'writing you in'. You're the only candidate I know who will expose the truth for what it is. Halleluiah! The country's saved. I want a Colbert Nation. ha ha.

It's an interesting idea.. running a comedian. The movie, Man of the Year, had the same idea - and I loved it. It's a sad fact, but comedians these days are the only ones who can bring up the truth, ask the hard questions, AND expose the ridiculousness of what's going on Washington. Maybe, just maybe, someone like Colbert could step in & clean up our sad-ass political system. I kid when I say I'd vote for him, but perhaps, maybe I don't? Go Stevie boy!

The Magic of CNN

2007-10-17T08:22:00.000-05:00

I watch CNN a lot. Not because I like it's perspective/bias so much, not because everytime there's a major headline they brand it with a new 'catchy' headline (puke!), but more so because I want to keep tabs on what's going on the world (not including news about Paris/Britney/Lindsey) and it's the only 24/7 news channel I can ever remember what channel its on. I watch it for a few minutes in the morning whilst I get ready for work, I watch it when I get home for a few minutes, and then I turn it on when I'm trying to go to sleep - I need the constant blabbering (most times blabbering of Larry King) in my ear to lull me to sleep. So, after all this watching, I've formulated a few opinions of my news deliver-ers.

- Larry King: Back in the days, you delivered a damn good interview.. what happened? Now you've been reduced to interviewing want-to-be lawyers commenting on stupid star-trials.. like Nancy Grace & the countless others OR you interiew "dancing with the stars" contestants? WTF - your show has lost its soul - make some calls & get some real interview-ees.

- Nancy Grace: uggh.. someone please 86 her. You deliver nothing of value.

- Rick Sanchez - man, you crack me up. Every time we have some tragedy/mishap in the headlines, CNN sends you on a mission to experience the the mishap. Let's see my favorites are when CNN made you try to escape from a sinking car (in the lake) and best of all, when CNN made you experience what it felt like to be tazered, over & over. Cool stuff. Question is - do they pay you enough for this? and do you volunteer for this or was it in the contract?

- Anderson Cooper - Your new show tagline, "Keeping them Honest" kinda cracks me up. AC, it's a noble pursuit, but its a futile attempt. But my question is, why is it left only up to you 'to keep them honest'? Shouldn't this be every journalist's mantra & pursuit? You've got alot of responsibility on your shoulders, don't fail us.

Lou Dobbs - I like your cheerleading for America's middle class, I liked it when you were branding corporate america with "traitor" but, ah, there are lots of other times when I don't agree with you. But one thing I do enjoy is when you get so passionate about a story, you're nearly shaking the camera in a stranglehold, trying to make your point >> "What the hell are you thinking you stupid politicians, what are you doing with my country???" I like that. Journalists should call out the truth when they see it.

Wolf Blitzer - I like getting the news from you, you make a good anchor. But one piece of advice - Sunday morning, when you're doing Late Edition.. get a new introductory voice. The woman you currently have introducing you - introduces you like your nothin' special. She's bored with you and the show hasn't even started. The woman does you no good. Dump her. You could do better.

Christiane Amanpour - I like getting news from you, too. You've got integrity, more journalists should follow your lead.

Sanja Gupta - I like the medical perspective you add to the news. Keep it up. Kinda cute too.

Gerry Willis - I've learned alot from you. Thanks.

Ali Velshi - I've learned alot from you too. Generally I don't go for the bald guys, but I'd do ya.

Howard Kurtz - I don't know why exactly, but I like getting news from you too. You have a little bit of silly in ya? Makes a good sunday morn show.

Soledad O'Brian - Yaaaaah, I'm glad they took your morning show away from you. Nice woman & all, but you were starting to get a little annoying.

Miles O'Brien - Your jokes suck & they fall flat. You need a desk job, not a journalist job. It was cute (puke) when you were doing the show with Soledad (same last name & all), but that was the only good part of the show.

Finely dined dogs?

2007-10-14T18:23:00.000-05:00

Don't be mislead by this humble little hot dog stand. Basically what we have here is a grey house parked on a busy street - fronted by a small triangular dining area (indicated by where the extravagant orange-rimmed windows/walls are). It looks the typical dive, dog joint, but as the sign indicates with the raised pinky (a sign of proper etiquette), it's really a high class joint.

I just love the raised pinky? The hand couldn't just be squeezing the dog, it had to raise the pinky, as if it were a tea party at high noon. Apparently, it's the parky's pinky salute. Brilliant!

A "Major" Victory

2007-10-14T10:35:00.000-05:00

One of the biggest debates out there, well, biggest for architecture nerds like me, is when and what was the first skyscraper to go up. It's a very touchy issue, and uhh, the answer one gives is generally dependent on which city that person lives in. (generally either NY or Chicago) However, independent of any biasness I may have, (and yes, I have some) the title is no more in question - it goes to Chicago, 1885, The Home Insurance Building, designed by 'the major' - Mr. William LeBaron Jenney.

What is my proof? Well, lets just say - You know you own the title of "First Skyscraper" when a book on Burmese history (written by a the son of Burmese UN diplomat, not a chicago architecture docent nor chicago architect, nor son of the actual architect in question) mentions you within the first 10 pages of the book. WTF? That alone, has got to end the debate on who & when was the first! Go Jenney!

More Than Meets the Eye

2007-10-10T15:55:00.000-05:00

Well, it was only time before someone devoted themselves to building a kick-ass Transformer out of a real car, a citroen, to be exact. Cool shit! Click here to view more!

Say Cheese!

2007-10-09T20:23:00.001-05:00

If you live in Chicago, I can see you! Google Maps launched 'streetview' as of 9 October, here in Chicago, and damn is it cool! Click here, search for chicago, hit the 'streetview' button, click on any of the blue lines, and a pop-up comes up where you can see a movable, yes movable, panoramic shot of what's goin' on right where you're cyberly squatting. Unbelievable! I thought google's satellite view was impressive, this is unreal, a little frightening, but unreal.

This thing has launched in 8 other major US cities, and there as well as in Chicago, people are bitchin' because of privacy issues. I'd understand if the thing was constantly being updated with fresh images, but come on, it's a static image taken at a random time. Get over it and come up with a real excuse like - "I saw my husband on 42nd street & he was talking to a hooker!" - now that's a genuine excuse to raise hell (for the husband, that is). If you're outside in the public sector, you're free game for Google or anyone else to shoot ya! ha!

ADDENDUM: This is great. Stills from streetview of Chicagoans caught in the camera. Of course this was bound to happen.

Veggin' Out in the Windy City

2007-10-08T21:44:00.000-05:00

Everyday when I ride to and/or fro work, I always seem to be waiting at a light with a Jewel-Osco truck. (Jewel-Osco is the major player when it comes to grocery stores in the Chicago area) I can't decide if I either work by their HQ or one of their big distribution plants - anyhoo - I really don't give a shit, but what's funny is they've got a new design to their big delivery trucks. It consists of a panoramic shot of the city of chicago, but instead of using an actual photo - they've constructed the damn city out of fruits & vegetables. It's hilarious. Buckingham fountain is made of arched bananas or melons, the Sears Tower is made from stacked asparagus, the Hancock building is made from 2 zucchinis, Marina City is made with 2 giant corn cobs (of course!).. it's the goofiest thing I've ever seen. Love it!

Marathon Meltdown

2007-10-08T21:13:00.000-05:00

The Chicago Marathon - Wow! What a disaster of a marathon sunday. One down (dead that is), hundreds in the hospital, hundreds more collapsing on the street, 10,000 don't even show up & thousands more pissy about the whole thing because they weren't allowed to finish and/or not enough water nor ambulances. Criminy, I don't think the marathon could've went any worse. And too bad, because it really is a cool marathon - taking the runners throughout the city & throughout Chicago's diverse neighborhoods. This afternoon I was talking to a man who ran it (who actually was able to finish it) & he said it was quite the brutal picture - as he's runnin' it, hundreds are collapsing on the street all around him. He said it was quite an unreal experience. WTF!!! Why didn't the damn coordinators cancel the damn thing or atleast hit contingency plan #1 - and triple all the water/emergency stations. For doin' this damn marathon for 30 years, you would think the city would've learned by now how to run it. Ba-dum-dum-dum. (ha! and that pun wasn't even intentional)

This is off the Sun-times:

Oppressive heat melted Sunday's Chicago Marathon into a mess of anger, pain and death -- with emergency sirens wailing throughout the course and scores of runners accusing organizers of failing to supply enough water and Gatorade. What was supposed to be a triumphant 30th-anniversary day for one of the city's signature events turned tragic by midafternoon, when authorities announced that a 35-year-old father of three participating in the race with his wife had died.

And here's a great quote:
" 'Stop running. We're out of ambulances,' " Richard Harless, 30, of Washington, D.C., recalled a firefighter telling him at mile 16.

More opiate for the Masses

2007-10-08T08:52:00.000-05:00

wow - this kinda cheapens the whole religion thang.
(found this on slashdot)
"Scientific American is reporting on scientific work done to map the euphoric religious feelings within the brain. As a result, it's now quite possible to experience 'proximity to God' via a special helmet: 'In a series of studies conducted over the past several decades, Persinger and his team have trained their device on the temporal lobes of hundreds of people. In doing so, the researchers induced in most of them the experience of a sensed presence — a feeling that someone (or a spirit) is in the room when no one, in fact, is — or of a profound state of cosmic bliss that reveals a universal truth. During the three-minute bursts of stimulation, the affected subjects translated this perception of the divine into their own cultural and religious language — terming it God, Buddha, a benevolent presence or the wonder of the universe.""

The Dragon's Back

2007-10-08T08:36:00.000-05:00

I was watching this great 'Nature' show last night called Andes: The Dragon's Back.' It was just spectacular! I had no idea how beautiful & diverse the area was. And thank god, because of its extreme height, temperatures & environmental conditions, it's, for the most part, been left alone by mankind. My favorite part though was watching the flamingos dance. Hilarious!! Interesting to note - flamingos aren't naturally pink - they get their color because of the brine shrimp they eat. I had no idea?

City Sweatin'

2007-10-07T22:15:00.000-05:00

Sweet Jesus! It's October, it's chicago, it's in the damn 90s (100s in my apt), I'm dripping in sweat & I'm really getting pissy. Are you kidding me? Last october I had the winter coat out & was shoveling snow. Should've figured this would happen though.. it's all my damn fault. Week after September week, we were in the 60s & 70s. I figured fall (the 2 weeks that we usually get of fall)/winter was quickly approaching, so last weekend I removed my A/C unit. Balls! What a bad idea! As soon as I shoved the damn thing in the closet, mother nature made it a perogative to jack up the temperature. Balls! Should've waited, should've waited!

Anyhoo, had to go downtown this afternoon to give an architecture tour of our old historic buildings, and of course, the cherry to my day, 5 million other people were all down there too, leaving from the Chicago Marathon. The streets were packed with people, but not with the normal respectable business crowd, but with profusely sweating runners & spectators. (as to be expected - they just ran a damn marathon and/or baked in the hot sun for hours) So, dodging all the sweat ladden chests, arms, legs, backs added a fun little twist to the normal in & out maneuvering that one has to do trying to get where one needs to go.

But, the point of this entry (shit - I can't even focus my thoughts in this heat) is I experienced a new phenom downtown today. With so many profusely sweating people in this heat, all in one congested area, it created a completely new atmopheric condition to the city - a giganto sweat bubble. One could just walk down the street & just feel the sweat in the air with your hands, soak up the sweat (involuntarily), smell the sweat (involuntarily), taste the sweat (by accident). It was sickening. It was a bubble of sweat air, stuck & hovering between the canyons of skyscrapers lining the downtown. Now, you would think that mother nature would naturally cleanse & dissipate the stench, but no, not today. Today, the 'windy city' was lacking any semblance its signature wind. It was just frickin' gross. This was the first time I've experienced such a freak weather pattern & I hope to god, it's the last time!

The Best Find

2007-10-06T18:28:00.000-05:00

I was stumbling through a bunch of my old internet bookmarks and I found this one: foundmagazine.com. I love this site. It's a collection of 'found' artifacts, lost from someone's life. We don't know who wrote them, to whom they were meant for, and we can only guess as to their context & meaning. I can loose hours browsing through the site... I just hope one day I don't see one of my lost notes or pictures. that'd be a little weird.

The guys who came up with this idea of assembling a repository for the worlds' lost things.. just frikin' brilliant.

Hollywood Has-beens

2007-10-06T15:34:00.000-05:00

I don't know why or how Hollywood has suddenly penetrated my fortress-like mind, but I suddenly feel the need to rip on a few actors. Before I do though, I first need to throw this out there - Gael Garcia Bernal, Bobby DeNiro, Al Pacino, Sean Penn, Hugh Jackman, Joaquin Phoenix, Johnny Depp, the offer for a free lapdance will always be there for you. You just say the word, & I'll come. giggle, giggle. Jody Foster, I respect your acting like no other, but as much as you probably want one, you don't get a lapdance. I have some.. just a few.. boundaries.. that I don't cross.

But for the following actors, you will never get another penny from me through box office profits.

- Chris O'Donnell - You're a spaz. Everytime I try to give you a second chance, you never fail in reaffirming this fact. It started with 'Vertical Limit' and then you consistantly held the title in 'In Love & War', 'Batman Forever', 'Scent of a Woman' and so on. Please quit the trade!
- Rosie Perez - I get a headache just trying to even think up any movie you starred in. Two words of advice - voice lessons - you need to learn how to talk in a non-shrilly, screechy, annoying tone.
- Leonardo DiCaprio - I saw you in 'The Beach' about 5 years ago, and I still haven't recovered from that movie. It takes alot for me to actually 'stop' a movie from running its course - but your movie & your acting was so damn bad, I had to. You've gotten a little better like in 'Blood Diamond' & 'The Aviator' but like I said, the damage is done.
- Robert Downey Jr. - You've been ruined. I can't seem to separate the character you played in 'Less than Zero' from you, yourself. You've hit rock bottom in my book & you can't climb back up..
- J.Lo (Jennifer Lopez) - Your singing sucks, your acting is atrocious, and that 'junk-in-your-trunk' or what others call your 'ass' is obstructing traffic. Why don't you go back & be a Fly girl for In Living Color - oh right, it's off the air.. too bad you weren't.
- Henry Rollins - Your music, your poetry is amazing. But that's where it ends. Please stop acting or I'm gonna have to pull the pedestal from ya.
- James Gandolfini - Loved ya in Sopranos! But unless you take up another mobster character, your acting career is done. I don't believe your acting when you're in any other role. Thanks for playing, but you've been typecast.
- Eddy Murphy - You've peaked and now you're done. The only hits you've had lately are when you play an animated a$$ - take that as a hint.
- Melanie Griffith - I see you on the screen, but all I really 'see' are those big inflated lips. Sweet Jesus, how did you land Antonio Banderas?
- Mickey Rourke - I enjoy your acting, I do. But 2 things don't mix - heavy facial plastic surgery & boxing. And since you partake in both, the only roles you can take on are ones where the character is 'facially challenged'. Please quit one of the above - for the sake of the little kids out there. You're scaring them.

There are others out there. These are the only ones I feel like ripping on today. I feel much better now.

To Be Expected..

2007-10-05T08:42:00.000-05:00

The city of Chicago is platted on a grid. Which means 2 things - #1, it's easy to figure out directions and #2, there's no question as to where your loyalty lies. I am one block north of the official north/south line in chicago, which means it's chicago law that I route for the Chicago Cubs (versus the Chicago White Sox). So, in honor of them making the playoffs, I feel I need to say a few words -- "As I fully expected.. you suck!! will you EVER kick your curse & win the damn world series?"

But, on another note, I can't get this catchy song out of my head. Click here for their anthem.

This is just gross - in a sad-a$$ attempt to kill the 'billy-goat' curse the cubs suffer from - someone has skinned a goat (read the article from CST) & hung it from the statue of harry carrey (their legendary announcer). Watch the Chicago PD pull it down. yuck! Too bad, this skinning won't do the job. Damn cubs! So close, but I know they'll fu8ck it up, somehow. That's what they specialize in. boo hoo.

Stellar Kitty Biz

2007-10-05T08:25:00.000-05:00

uhmmm... If my owner made me shit in this spaceship, I mean "Litter-Robot, I'd pee in their shoes.

Click here to watch it in action

I can just imagine the machine, one day malfunctioning, & doing the 360 degree revolution when the cat's still inside, tryin' to do its business. It's gotta be worse than when you stick your cat in the dryer. ha ha.

Bestest Building in the World

2007-10-04T08:32:00.000-05:00

It's a real tough call, but if I had to crown someone with the prestigious title of 'Bestest Building in the World' it would have to go with Citigroup Center in New York. (Jesus, I can't believe I'm picking a NY building over a Chicago one - I'm ruined!) But, this isn't just a random choice, it's definately earned the title. (see pict #1 - the building with the sexy ribbon windows & angled tip, in the distance)

#1 - Sexiest legs in the city.
Description ripped from Wikipedia >> From the very beginning, the Citigroup Center was an engineering challenge. When planning for the skyscraper began in the early 1970s, the northwest corner of the proposed building site was occupied by St. Peter's Lutheran Church. The church allowed Citicorp to demolish the old church and build the skyscraper under one condition: a new church would have to be built on the same corner, with no connection to the Citicorp building and no columns passing through it, because the church wanted to remain on the site of the new development, near one of the intersections. Architects wondered at the time if this demand was too much, and if the proposal could even work.

Structural engineer William LeMessurier set the 59-story tower on four massive 114 foot (35 m) high columns, positioned at the center of each side, rather than at the corners. This design allowed the northwest corner of the building to cantilever 72 feet (22 m) over the new church. To accomplish these goals LeMessurier designed a system of stacked load bearing braces, in the form of inverted chevrons. Each chevron would redirect the massive loads to their center, then downward into the ground through the uniquely-positioned columns.

#2 - A balancing act like no other
To help stabilize the building, a tuned mass damper was placed in the mechanical space at its top. This substantial piece of stabilizing equipment weighs 400 tons.. Designed to counterbalance the effects of wind by making the building sway, it is a concrete block that slides on a thick layer of oil and converts the kinetic energy of the building into friction. This mass reduces the building's movement from wind deflection by 50%. Citigroup Center was the first skyscraper in the United States to feature a tuned mass damper.

#3 - It almost fell down
Ripped from Wikipedia >> In 1978, prompted by a question from a student, LeMessurier discovered a potentially fatal flaw in the building's construction: the skyscraper's bolted joints were too weak to withstand 70-mile-per-hour (113 km/h) wind gusts at specific angles.While LeMessurier's original design and load calculations for the special, uniquely-designed 'chevron' load braces used to support the building were based on welded joints, a labor and cost-saving change altered the joints to bolted construction after the building's plans were approved.

The engineers did not recalculate what the construction change would do to the wind forces acting on two surfaces of the building's curtain wall at the same time; if hurricane-speed winds hit the building at a 45-degree angle there was the potential for catastrophic failure due to bolt failure. The wind speeds needed to topple the models of Citigroup Center in a wind-tunnel test were predicted to occur in New York City every 16 years.

LeMessurier reportedly agonised over how to deal with the problem - making it known to the wider world risked ruining his professional reputation. But with hurricane season fast approaching, he took the bold decision to approach Citicorp directly, and advise them of the need to take swift remedial action. He convinced Citicorp to hire a crew of welders to repair the fragile building without informing the public, a task made easier by the press strike at that time.

For the next three months, a construction crew welded two-inch-thick steel plates over each of the skyscraper's 200 bolted joints during the night, after each work day, almost unknown to the general public. Six weeks into the work, a major storm, Hurricane Ella, was off Cape Hatteras and heading for New York. With only half the reinforcement finished, New York City was hours away from emergency evacuation. Luckily, Ella turned eastward and veered out to sea, buying enough time for workers to permanently correct the problem.

Despite the fact that nothing happened as a result of the engineering gaffe, the crisis was kept hidden from the public for almost 20 years. It was publicized in a lengthy article in The New Yorker in 1995. LeMessurier was criticized for insufficient oversight leading to bolted rather than welded joints, for misleading the public about the extent of the danger during the reinforcement process, and for keeping the engineering insights from his peers for two decades. However, his act of alerting Citicorp to the problem inherent in his own design is now used as an example of ethical behavior in several engineering textbooks. After the modifications of the bolted members were completed, the building is now generally considered to be one of the most structurally sound skyscrapers in the world.

Doin' #1 in a Nano-way

2007-10-03T12:35:00.000-05:00

This is fu8kin' brilliant.
Taken with an electron microscope by nanotechnologist Kaito Takahashi. This photo won the Most Bizarre award in the Bizarre/Beautiful Micrograph Contest at the 49th International Conference on Electron, Ion and Photon Beam Technology and Nanofabrication. For other honorable mentioned photos, click here.

From the Road

2007-10-03T08:48:00.000-05:00

I saw this bumper sticker on a car I was driving too close to - on this mornings drive in to work. I'm not religious.. I just think it's pretty funny.

It's Party Time!

2007-10-03T08:21:00.000-05:00

I had no idea America liked to party so hard when it comes to politics. Here's a great site for ya - when it comes time to choose who ya want to party with. My favs are the following...

Christian Falangist Party of America - what a fun word to say! (falangist - a follower of the authoritarian political views advocated by Spain's Franco. Other members include Italy's Mussolini & Argentina's Juan Peron) Best part is - they're 'dedicated to fighting the "Forces of Darkness" a.k.a. western civilization, radical islam, communism, socialism, the new world order (wtf??), the new age movement (wtf??), neo-nazis, free masons, abortionists, euthanasianists, radical homosexuals & pornographers. (but jesus, they're all over the place.. i'm sure other groups like 'stamp collectors, aerobics instructors & race car drivers are also included in their select list of groups they want to destroy)
All 31 flavors of the Socialist Parties - Damn, they're just like Baskin Robbins (the ice cream store). All of them bitch-fighting to prove they're the 'true' socialist party for America. Give it up, ya had your 5 minutes of fame years ago, America will never bend this way again.
The Light Party - A San-Francisco political group/cult who promote things like holistic medicine, national health insurance, organic foods, solar energy and who can sell ya some nice relaxing CD of new age music if your interested. (wtf??)
US Marijuana Party - Party claims: all problems will be solved with the legalization of marijuana. Wish I had what these guys are smokin'.
American Patriot Party - Promises to abolish the IRS - fu8k ya!!
Libertarian National Socialist Green Party - just your average politically correct Nazis? To quote - "This party purports to be comprised of atheist, peaceful, pro-gay, pro-drug legalization, anti-racist, environmentalist Nazis who acknowledge the Holocaust likely occurred (but are neutral as to its justification) and oppose the government sponsored killing of Jews, Christians & gays and the disabled. Also, rejects Judeo-Christian moral standards, victim mentality political behavior, capital-centric value systems, and authority."
Pansexual Peace Party - Founded on Wiccan roots. One of their favorite platforms is: "Sex is Good! Sex is Great! Yea, Sex!" (Where can I get one of these t-shirts?)
The Pot Party - To be a member, it's mandatory that ya grow the weed.
World Socialist Party of the USA - This cryptically named group are nothin' but your average utopian Marxists. "They believe true socialism can only work when it is established worldwide. They renounce violence, Soviet-style totalitarianism, money and all forms of leadership. They advocate a classless, "wageless, moneyless, free access society" without any national borders."

I needed "The War" back in high school!

2007-10-01T08:21:00.000-05:00

I'm not so thrilled that I've lost over a week of my freetime due to this, but in retrospect, it was worth every damn minute. PBS has been showing an incredible documentary over the last week called "The War" by Ken Burns. Just an incredible show (currently 12+ hrs [and still going] of film) comprehensively documenting America's presence in the War. But, instead of just having one narrator & having facts thrown at you, it focuses on 4 towns/cities in America, defines their role in the war, and follows WW2 survivors through their experience. So again, not just fact after fact thrown at you, but horrific personal accounts of what these soldiers & civilians experienced. Just fu8kin' phenomenal footage & accounts!

As long as the damn series is.. I can't peel myself away from the show. If only I could've had 'the war' back in high school when we were studying WW2. It is so much more interesting than reading it from a book & from a skewed governmentally approved perspective. And, as a true measure of success of a film, I want more! I have so many questions sprouting from watching this show - I want to know how it affected everyone and all the interesting dynamics created from this worldwide atrocity.

One more thing - I'm just in awe of how much film & camera shots were taken during WW2. I had no idea so much was documented. With as many soldiers that gave their life for the war, I wonder how many journalists also did?

Tell me more - Tell Me You Love Me

2007-09-30T16:06:00.000-05:00

I'm really diggin' this new show from HBO, "Tell Me You Love Me". (as if I'm so surprised - their sunday night lineup has yet to disappoint - oooh, except for Luckie Louie - that show was beyond bad) HBO did a wonderful job conceiving TMYLM. It brings in the masses because, upon first impression, it's essentially soft/medium p0rn. (depending on your personal grading scale) But, beyond that initial impression, it addresses some very important topics affecting virtually everyone in modern day society - all surrounding the ideals & problems with marriage.

I think this show is great because, as HBO, it's free to do & talk about everything & not hold back a single inch (or all 7 inches for that matter). The 4 couples involved in the show all are different ages, are in different phases in their marriage & all struggle with different issues & because so, seem to cover the gamut with marital reality. And I think that's dern great. It finally brings to the forefront what our prudish society has been so unwilling to talk about for so long - the real grit of being married. It's honesty is refreshing & really makes us all feel good because suddenly we aren't the only ones suffering & dealing with these problems.

When I was growing up, I knew my family & parental unit were completely dysfunctional, but, I thought we were alone. However, once I grew up and started to compare notes with other grown up kids, wow, we all realized we were all fu8ked up in family life - with the root of it starting with our parents' marriage. wow - what a relief. Anyhoo - this show - TMYLM - is the first one I've watched that is completely honest about marriage & lets all the ugliness (& pleasures) hang out.

Sad part is - only a portion of this country is watching - because it's non-network, & non-FCC-regulated. Which is, in itself kinda funny - our FCC (our government) censors our media so much, we're forced to remain quiet about that which we should be talking about openly. The government & especially the GOP are constantly griping on how the family unit & mariages are disintegrating - well, it's the governmental FCC department who's fueling the fire of it all - by making us so repressed, because with it's regulations, ya can't say shit! literally.

As much as I loved the show, though, I need to be objective, so what I didn't like were the scenes with the 65/70 year old lady goin' down on her hubby. yeeecck.. that just gave me the heebie jeebies. ha ha. I never realized old couples could be so horny. (yes, i need to grow up & take a reality pill, too, it seems) What's astonishing is that they could find actors from that generation willing to be so ballsy & then to do it on screen - damn! rock on, ya horndogs!

One last thing - the show is about "marriage problems" but it's only through disecting the problems & talking about them, that we'll ever have a chance to find the solutions. so perhaps it's better to say the show is about "marriage solutions". Just a thought. Kudos, hbo!

Get This Man a New Razor!

2007-09-26T13:08:00.000-05:00

uhmmm ted.. i'm not quite sure i understand your facial choices? Do you have an upper lip?.. do you have a mustache?.. have you been downtown doing the nasty?.. or have you just gulped down a very frothy glass of milk & like to wear the residue? what the hell is on your face, man?

Be Weary of the Welcome Mat!

2007-09-24T01:47:00.000-05:00

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door"

-- borrowed from a plaque on the base of the Statue of Liberty

____________________________________________________________

Such a beautiful message... such a noble gal... but who the hell is the Statue of Liberty talking to & talking for? Cuz it sure doesn't represent America & as I think about it, never really did. Sometimes I feel America has this gigantic welcome mat out for the world to see & ponder on as they enter, but what most don't realize is that it's a welcome mat fronting a slave-labor camp or fronting white supremist land.

We Americans are so damn good at coming up with these beautifully crafted messages. Coming up with constitutional laws loaded with noble intentions regarding freedom, democracy, second chances, the Amerian frikin' dream. It's just too damn bad we have such a hard time following through with any of them. "Oh, ya mean, we actually have to follow those laws & ideas? I just liked how they sounded?" I just think for a country founded on freedom, we should be able to practice it a little better than the sad attempt we've made at it so far.

Our message of truth, freedom, democracy, spreads throughout the world like prairie wildfire, as it should, but the sad part is, they've become just empty words versus truth. For a country that prides themselves on being a melting pot & being so diverse with cultures, ideas & people, we are so damn ass-backwards on how to deal with diversity. It's the 21st frikin' century now, & yet we still haven't figured out how to get along with each other. Racism is as strong as its ever been, if not picking up momentum. (I guess.. at least we're consistant, right?) It just makes me nautious & embarassed to be one of it's citizens - who are we? The only time America wasn't being the racist fool was when the native americans welcomed the white man to its shores. pah! what the hell were they thinking! they should've kicked the european arses right back into the ocean along with their stupid little thanksgiving holiday. But I digress..

I just think racism has got to be one of the most ridiculously stupid ideas that we could've ever invented. Ideally, we'll look back at our history some 100+ years? (if we haven't extincted ourselves by them) and scrunch up our faces in disgust - at how stupid we acted. We're all the same mammal for god sakes, we're just clad in a different color of skin (which btw, is because we live in different locations around the world & have adapted our skin to handle the different sun levels - that's it, there's nothing else to it, no extra meaning behind it - so grow the fuk up!)

If it's a cultural or religious thing, we should be fascinated by the diversity mankind has created & embrace it, learn from it, not run from it. This is one of mankinds talents - inventing new things from what it has, imagining the new & then creating the new - man should be able to choose what culture,religion that he/she wants & its no one elses biz but their own what they choose. We need to embrace diversity! Not fear it! and definately not try to suppress it. stupid!

Paper VS Cellulose

2007-09-23T16:23:00.000-05:00

I was talking to my friend the other day, and somewhere in our conversation, he dropped the fact that he rarely reads books, infact he detests them, but instead was a major movie buff. I was in shock - doesn't he realize how much he's missing, the enjoyment, the committment? How can one NOT enjoy books? So, the neverending battle resumes - which is better - the book or the movie?

___________MOVIES____________________________________

THE PROS

on average between 80 & 150 minutes long. can pop one in whenever you want & not waste your entire day for entertainment, especially if the story turns out to be a bomb
much cheaper to buy/rent (not counting borrowing from a friend or library)
no imagination required. (good or bad?) Hollywood fills it all in for you - scenery, objects, characters
can enjoy it on a monster screen with surround sound
you can share it together with friends & if it's a good one, can talk for hours about what it meant

THE CONS

you only get a washed down version of the real thing. It has been adapted to fit the movie time alotment, so lots of important moments edited out, as well as reinterpreted & readapted to please the masses & make the most $$. (not always what the author intended)
everything is visually there, so the full page descriptions of people, places, things are lost. no imagination required (good or bad?)
up until recently, it wasn't portable. Still not portable for some.
it's a movie. ya watch it & then you leave the theater or shut off the tv. that's it.
requires some sort of technology to watch

____________BOOKS______________________________________

THE PROS

it's completely portable
can snuggle into bed under the covers with one. it's a tangible item. it becomes your best friend & requires committment from you - in order to finish.
you are whisked away into the world of the author. you get the full story directly from the author (unless it's abridged or heavily edited) without anything being edited out & readapted to fit hollywood's standards
it says something about you & what you're interested in. when you're in public reading one, it can often start a conversation or dissuade one from starting.
requires constant imagination - (good & a bad thing) if you're author is a good desciber than you're fine, but if the author stinks, then you're left with ambiguous & unclear people, places, things
its mostly 'personal' entertainment. you read it by yourself. its all yours. directed only at you
because it's personal - it offers an escape from your world & whisks you away into this new world
reading improves vocabulary & english grammar (so i hear)
your bookcase can become a badge of honor & can say alot about you
requires no technology to enjoy - just your noggin'

THE CONS

can take months to finish a book. You read a little here & a little there, but because it's not done in one sitting, you may forget important things or not remember who a character is
if the story sucks ass, you've just lost a month of your freetime
requires constant imagination - (good & a bad thing) if you're author is a good desciber than you're fine, but if the author stinks, then you're left with ambiguous & unclear people, places, things
you may have to deal with a stiff spine & constantly pressing the sides of the book down in order to read it
Requires relative silence so you can concentrate on the words
it's 'personal' entertainment, so you can't enjoy the entertainment with friends, unless you're both reading books, like at a coffeehouse. Can't talk about it, unless you've both read the book
in order to produce a book, a tree was killed

_________________________________________________________

It's a tough call between two - although I think I'm still leaning towards books. Of stories I've done both the book & the movie of, the book is always 20x better. Sorry Hollywood!

The Good, the Fast, the Bad, The Furious

2007-09-23T11:28:00.000-05:00

Sunday morning, determined not to get out of bed so fast, erratically flipping through channels, looking for something to delay the inevitable 'getting up' and suddenly I stumble upon an unbelievable car race-- racing up & up, through a packed parking garage. I'm not into car racing, I couldn't care less about the sport, but this, this, was unbelievable. The cars were zooming through a parking garage at furious speeds and as they made these unbelievably tight turns were 'drifting'. (Some complicated process involving going continuously, incredibly fast, turning the car, whilst you have the parking brake released?) Between the stunning cinematography, the slow-motion effects & just the skill of the drivers, I have to admit, my jaw was on the floor.

This scene was out of the movie, The Fast & the Furious, part 3 or 35 (can't keep track these days), Tokyo Drift. Now, I'm embarassed to say I actually watched this stupid-ass film, but shit, there were a few nuggets that somehow kept me peeled to the screen.

First, was the above car racing, un-fuk-ing-believ-able! Maybe I'm just out-of-the-loop, but I've never seen such incredible skill, car maneuvers, & again, on top of some damn good cinematography.

Second, was one slow, philosophic moment (the only one), when the 2 main characters were conversing & one of the guys had a brilliant line about life - "You make your choices in life & then you never look back" A brilliant line. I got through alot of messy moments in my life with that as my mantra. I could use it again right now.

Third, was the ridiculous tokyo scene the director painted. Where to start??? Hmmm.. Let's see,
- Everyone at tokyo high drove bad-ass souped up sports cars, which were completely disposable, like cameras. You totaled your car - no problem - easily replaced. Everyone has money to go around!
- When you did, do this 'tokyo drifting', it never damaged your car, your transmission, & never wore out the treads on your tires. Sure, if you want, you could, replace the tires, but only when it was convenient for you. And at a very economical price!
- All the high school girls are tall, super skiny, beautifully sluty, look 25, can't wear skirts longer than 3" in height, & drive expensive souped up cars.
- All the high school guys are good looking punks, look 25, drive expensive souped up cars, and it's a requirement that for every 1 guy, he must be wearing a minimum of 2 sluty girls on his shoulders (see above for the girls)
- Tokyo streets are impressively clean, no one besides the high school kids ever use them, and surprisingly enough, there are very few people who venture outside in tokyo.
- You can drive at whatever speed you'd like, make every type of traffic violation, run into however many cars & structures you'd like, & you'll never be arrested or get a citation. As long as you're driving a cool car, you can do anything you'd like. All is forgiven.
- The Tokyo mafia are very nice & fair in their decisions & major shit can be forgiven if you can just win a car race
- Japanese is very easy to learn. The American kid who is kicked out by his mother & sent to live with his dad in Tokyo picks up japanese overnight - my guess is he learned it on the flight over.
- The American dad living over in Japan is a naval officer. But, seeing as he is a naval officer, every article of clothing he wears must say 'NAVY' on it - just in case we all forget he's a naval officer.

Ahhhh, gotta love these movies & how hollywood paints these pictures of foreign cultures. So deep in meaning too!

While We Were Sleeping

2007-09-21T08:28:00.000-05:00

Wednesday night, thursday night, for some odd reason I found myself watching television at 4 in the morning. Or at least, trying, to watch television at 4 in the morning.

I live maybe 20, 30 minutes southeast of O'Hare airport. The only times I even remember this fact is when I occasionally look up into the sky and spot an airplane quietly flying way above. Operative word being 'quietly.' Not so the case, however, at 4 in the morning. Every ten minutes, while I'm watching tv (at 4 in the morning), I need to rewind my damn show, because the noise outside is frikin' deafening - from airplanes whizzing by, doing low fly-bys. no shit! It's unbelievable.

For some reason, O'Hare must give clearance to these late night pilots to fly incredible low over the city - thinking no one will notice. the bastards. what's up with that? I can't be the only person who has noticed, who maybe has woken up from it, & who is incredibly annoyed by it? And, weird thing is.. I've only noticed this in the last year or so.

Is this O'Hare's last ditch attempt to try to make up for their excessive tardiness? Do flight patterns & heights change depending on what time it is during the day/night? Or, is this unknown to the city & to the airport, and instead an 'unwritten rule of the road' followed by airline pilots? They assume the populace is sleeping & no one will notice down below if they dip down in the sky much earlier than they should - perhaps shaving some time off their flight? Hmmmm.

Apple Undo Me!

2007-09-19T12:29:00.000-05:00

I live in a world of "Apple - Undo" OR "Control - Undo". (Apple-Z / Ctrl-Z)

I sit at the computers 8hrs/day, 40hrs/week, and I'm not gonna calculate the yearly number - way too depressing. But basically, just like the millions of others out there - I have ass-burn from all the hours I sit, on my ass, at my desk, working on the computer. Funny thing is, because I'm always on the computer - mac or pc - my sense of what's 'real world' and what's 'computer world' is getting a little skewed.

I do web design, multimedia for a living, and on average I probably hit the 'apple-Z' or 'ctrl-Z' keys about 100x per day. They're the dirtiest keys on my keyboard from the extensive use they get during the day, and they have bailed me out time & time again when I need to rethink a maneuver in photoshop, or want to undo a line of code on a web page. I'd be screwed without these keys.

So, because I use them, and rely on them so heavily, I keep finding that in my non-ass-burning moments in the day, my fingers subconsciously reach for the damn keys every time I make a stupid blunder - like last night when I was passing a cop on a crowded street & made a shady maneuver on the road, which he then preceeded to chew me out for & almost give me a ticket for. (although in my defence - it was an approved maneuver in the official "unwritten rules of the road" that everyone in the city follows) So, immediately after I did the questionable maneuver, my left hand jumped for the Apple - Undo keys, but sadly, they were not there & undoing my mistake was not an option. Damn! How sweet would life be if we had Apple-Undo/Ctrl-Undo keys for our 'real world' life. And, we could merely back up a few seconds in time to replay/redo stupid decisions.

Turkish Delight

2007-09-18T02:47:00.000-05:00

One question that continually eludes me is: exactly what the hell continent does the country Turkey belong to? Every once in awhile, this question comes up into conversation, and eventhough it's been years now, I still can't positively answer this? and it seems, neither can lots of factual sources.

Technically, I believe it is lumped with Asia. Although on turkey's tourist web site - they do say it spans 2 continents - < Located on two contitents Europe and Asia. The European part of Turkey is called Thrace, while the Asian part is called Anatolia or Asia Minor > (Someone needs to tell the office of tourism, they have a spelling error - unless contitents is a subdivided continent? ha ha)

Geographically, it could go either way - europe or asia. It holds hands with Greece & Bulgaria on the west & with Georgia/Armenia on the east and hugs the Black Sea like many other european countries. It's only on the southeast corner where its snug with Syria, Iraq, & Iran - other Asian countries. (Not to open up another can of worms, but would you also include Turkey in the Middle East? If you're lumping it with Asia, it is the eastern of all Middle Eastern countries - so technically, it should fall under that too? no?) I don't know.. it just seems to me that Turkey is one country that Asia should've let go - doesn't Asia already suck up the majority of all earthly land masses anyway?

Historically, it could go either way. Every new century it seems it was conquered & settled by a whole new group of people - some European or Greek (like Constantine, Alexander the Great) and others from the Asian east (like the Huns, the Mongols, etc..)

Culturally, Religiously, it could go either way. Due to its historically challenged position, it's absorbed the cultures & religions of many. I'm sure if you took a tour of the country you could find that some groups of people hold european or greekish traditions & religions, yet at the same time, you could find groups of people upholding strong middle eastern religions & traditions.

Economically, again, either way. I think its economy & status resemble a middle eastern country more than a european one, but haven't they recently been in the news trying to apply for admission to the EU? and trying to become European? (my guess, is for the financial boost it would receive)

I don't know... I'm no expert on Turkey, nor do I have any authority to even be writing this, I just think the country is fascinating to try to figure out. How the hell does the country get along with all the extreme differences & it's dichotomous traits? How the hell does the government pass any laws to appease the populace? Fascinating!

Butterfly Bizzness

2007-09-16T19:28:00.000-05:00

I had the most fantastical of experiences today. I visited the Butterfly Haven up at the Notebaert Nature Museum up in Lincoln Park. It's a 2,700 square-foot greenhouse filled with an array of plants and hundreds of fluttering, beautiful butterflies. They each displayed a unique & stunning pattern on their wings & just were fluttering everywhere, doing flybys & landing everywhere, like in my hair. So many, in such a small space, it was just breathtaking. I wanted to giggle from all the fun. Experiencing one is something I'd recommend to all!

In the middle of my butterfly observing, I heard a high-pitched scream. I looked over and this little girl was running in circles around her mom, screaming her guts out. Apparently one of the butterflies had a serious attraction to the girl & kept chasing her around the room, trying to land on her. The girl was spooked beyond belief & kept screaming & trying to get away. It was frikin' hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing at the poor girl. Finally, the parents gave up & carried her out of the atrium. My guess, is that she spilled something fruity on her shirt & damnit that butterfly wanted to lick it up.

Another interesting observation was the excessive amount of mating going on in the room. I was starting to feel like I had come at a bad time. But so interesting to watch (was it wrong to watch??!) One butterfly sits on a leaf with his/her head looking up & the other with his/her head facing down. They but up 'butts' I guess you can say & ah, get down to bizzzness. But so neat- as they would have their wings overlapping together & pitched in a perfect tent-like shape. It was like they were covering up or hiding their nasty bizzness going on. (hiding it from all the onlookers like me, ha ha)

As I was leaving the haven, I was thinking.. take us back some hundred, two hundred years, I bet you could find natural areas like this all around the world & filled with the same wonderment. What hasn't mankind f*cked up? really?

Affirmative RE-THINK-THIS Action

2007-09-16T18:03:00.000-05:00

I watched an awesome documentary the other night < Brazil in Black in White. > It covered how Brazil is implementing Affirmative Action in one of their universities: the University of Brasilia, which is a FREE, public, top-notch university.

Now in America, we're always indicating on forms & to people what we are - white, black, latino, chinese, etc.. (a sad truth! we really shouldn't care! & maybe this is why we have so many racial problems today?) But in Brazil, a so-called racial democracy, the people have for a long time, considered themselves to be nothing but 'Brazilians'. (I know there were racial tensions back when there were plantations in Brazil, but from what I gathered, the majority of the population today, the poor, don't give a hoot amongst themselves. ) However, the country is in the process of changing everything & I'm not so sure it's for the best?

To get into this great university everyone applies for a spot, and year after year, the students have tended to be from the upper crust of society AND light skin (caucasian). The disparity between wealthy & poor, white & black/latino, has always been huge & seems to be growing every year. So, the government & university decided to try an affirmative action program to even the score. (Because as we all know - education, literacy, knowledge equals empowerment! The lack of it will keep a group down -rock on, Paulo Freire!) So now, in the process of applying to the school, the students all have to indicate on the form, if they're going to apply under a general admission or under a "black" admission. (A certain percentage of spots have been set aside for the "black" population)

This is normal shit for racial-conscious americans, BUT, in Brazil, this is unknown territory? In Brazil, there are generally 3 main categories of race to fall under - caucasian (european-influenced), latino or indian, and black (african-influenced). Those are the 3 main categories, but then there's the majority of the population which fall under a gray area, because they are a combo of the above. Most people don't quite know what they are, if they had to choose, but for the first time now, the students & parents are being forced to put labels on themselves & in so doing, are becoming racially conscious.

So, my thoughts are:
#1 - Is it really such a good thing, that race is now becoming an important factor for Brazil, a once, racial democracy? Some are being granted favors for being one race, others are being denied because of their race, and some are so mixed between races that they're being excluded from all races. By doing so, I just can't see how this won't bring additional tension to the lives of the people & the state. They'll be looking at each other in a different light, a not-so-good light, and having some not-so-nice thoughts about each other.

#2 - I understand the justification for affirmative action. I wish we wouldn't need it because we could be fair & choose candidates based on whether they were qualified or not & not because of stupid physical characteristics that we all have no choice on, but we humans have an evil side & we've proven time & time again that we can't be fair. However, wouldn't the goal of affirmative action be best achieved IF we eliminated all "race" questions on our applications & merely awarded jobs,university admissions, etc.. to those who were qualified & who also had socio-economic need vs. because of their race. Wouldn't it work better if we left the specially alotted spots for the financially struggling ones, the ones who desire nothing in this world, but to extend their education & crawl out of their desperate situations. Wouldn't this be addressing the problem better?

I can just see so many problems arising from people labeling themselves. Those that are deemed "black" enough to qualify for the admissions will take alot of shit from their peers - from those who know they got in just to fill a quota, in addition to those who didn't get in cuz their spots were taken up by this new quota the university had to make room for.

I don't know, I'm no authority on Brazil nor it's history, nor, on affirmative action, I just watched this one show, but it looks to be a very controversial move for Brazil. I just hope it does more good than bad for the country.

Cheesy Goodness

2007-09-15T18:03:00.000-05:00

Today was cheesecake festival fun! At no other location than at Cheesecake World. No shit, that's what the HQ building is called, up here at Eli's Cheesecake Co. This is one of my favorite festivals!

Eli's gives out bricks & bricks of free cheesecake to the public - samples from every flavor. (my dream come true)
they serve these damn good, oversized angus burgers. My body is still numb from the shock of all the beef I digested... or maybe it's all the cheesecake. I can't tell?
constant music acts - some good, some bad, some from the World Music Festival. (I witnessed one act, where they had maybe 30kids up on the stage dancing all around. The stage was violently swaying back & forth - I couldn't stop laughing)
they have the Jesse White Tumblers (Jesse White is the IL Secretary of State & founded this group to serve as a positive alternative for the children residing in Chicago's Cabrini-Green and Henry Horner public housing communities) which never cease to amaze me with their gymnastics & seriously, who wouldn't be thrilled when 8 year old & 15 year old kids jump over a walking 6 foot slice of cheesecake, in addition to a full 200lb, 5 ft in diameter, giant cheesecake. (somethin' everyone's gotta see to believe)
they have top notch chefs doing cooking demos & giving out samples
fire engine tours through the neighborhood?
kids have contests like: no-handed cheesecake eating contests, dancing contests where the kids must hoola-hoop with cheesecake on their heads (melting in the sun, as well)
a classic cars show
Ms. Michigan Apples was present & offered up her apples to nibble on. I have to admit, she was showing off some nice apples!
I witnessed a bunch of kids singing the official Eli's Cheesecake anthem & worshipping the 6ft walking slice of cheesecake. (This has got to be crossing the line, right Moses?? get the tablets out!)

and so on & so on.. so much food ya want to through up (I'm first hand experiencing this), tons of entertainment, family fun, just something for everyone. Eli - you do it right, man!

Corporate Nastiness

2007-09-14T13:54:00.000-05:00

I have no data on this to back up this claim, but my guess is the average american arse experiences hundreds of toilet seats per year. And, in so doing, has the opportunity to experience hundreds of bathroom scenes, as well as, in their head, establish favorite ones & not-so-favorite ones. The one I encounter on a daily basis - the one at work - isn't my fav, nor my least-fav, but every time I use it, I seem to find surprise after surprise.

At the beginning of the week, the stalls are immaculate, ehh, perhaps not, but, let's just say clean & smelling fresh - as they've just been cleaned. But, by the end of the week, it's quite a hairy situation, and literally. They're just gross & overflowing with all sorts of goodies, & after using the restrooms, I feel a "hose down" is in order just to decontaminate my arse. I won't go into details, but let's just say, several times I've opened up the stall door and it looked like some one's arse has just blown up. just gross. what are people eating for lunch!!

Anyhoo - the latest surprise has been the addition of magazine holders within each stall. I've never seen this before - in a corporation?? It just blows me away that they purchased these things for EVERY single stall in the building. Are they encouraging people to stay in the stalls & read their favorite magazine. Shouldn't they instead be encouraging the employees to, literally, get off their arses & get some work done. Plus, do I need to even mention the fact that if someone brings in a magazine, reads it there, then takes it back to their cube - they could inadvertently be bringing back bathroom germs & nastiness to their desk, and then spreading it to the whole department. yicccckkk. I'm just not seeing the benefits to all of this.. If the company wanted to make us happy, couldn't they just give us raises & be done with it? ha! dream on.

The 'Cleaner'

2007-09-13T08:45:00.000-05:00

My job lands me in the creative department, which works in conjunction with the marketing department. I've worked for the same company for some 3 or so years, i think, it's all just been a big blur. One thing that has always eluded me is, right outside the marketing deparment, sits one sole office, labeled with a name (which I won't mention - in case his identity is meant to be secret) and the title of 'Remarketing Department". This is the first time I've ever heard of this type of department, but it really has me curious. What the hell does one in the Remarketing Department do, exactly? Is this guy the 'cleaner' (like in the movie - Pulp Fiction) for the Marketing Department? Is he the one who will step in when the marketing department fucks up & needs to smooth everything over with the public, with the government? Does this guy go on secret missions, stealing marketing ideas & campaigns from other companies and then reveals them to our marketing department. OR, maybe he's just some guy off the streets who has sneaked himself into the building, has made up a department, reports to himself, and views porn all day? (kinda like in the movie - 'Secret to My Success') And, of course, since he doesn't report to anyone, no one questions his presence??? OR, better yet, maybe he is the president of the company's nephew - and was given a bogus title & role here so he would stop being a total deadbeet & work for a living.

I just don't know.. but I'm on to this guy.

One with a Vengeance

2007-09-11T17:58:00.000-05:00

In February, I discovered I had one white/gray hair on my head. Of course, not just anywhere, but smack center where the part is - center of all attention. As bitter as I was about it, seeing as I'm way too young to have any (at least I think so), eventually I came to love it and encourage it's growth. Well, only because, the longer it was, the easier it was to color with a black sharpee. I diligently colored it every few days when it needed it or as the color was fading. It was fun. I was winning. I was showing it who was boss. That lasted a few weeks, but eventually I tired of the damn thing, and finally just plucked it right out. ha ha! Take that! Good riddance. By the next week, though, it was back, but this time it brought a friend, no shit! Now, I knew the popular saying - Pluck one, two will come to it's funeral - but, I thought it was myth, not reality. Apparently, I had to learn reality the hard way.

Today I have 2 white/gray hairs on my head and I leave them be. As they've grown in length, I've become fond of them and on some days they even have an iridescent sheen to them? How lucky am I? Funny thing is.. a month later, my dog grew in one white whisker, right in the front of her beak. How bizarre is that? We're linked. What can I say?

Pumpin' Up

2007-09-11T01:37:00.000-05:00

I donated blood tonight.
My 2 forms of charity are donating blood and donating my time to help out. (volunteering, that is) (I rarely give out money these days - I just don't trust that the money ever reaches the needy, but instead, lines the pockets of some greedy bastard - am I wrong? really?)

Tonight was an interesting experience. The woman who was doing the sticking, well, she was nothin' but business. Before I even had time to settle into my chair - she had jabbed the damn needle in. No foreplay, no warning, no messin' around.. she was on a tight schedule. Which suited me fine - as I absolutely detest the sight of needles - and tonight, well, I never even got the chance to brace for impact. She was a little slow to cover up the needle, so I sat there staring at the massively thick needle, jutting out of my arm, and feeding from my inner juice. I don't know why - but seeing that thing hanging out of my arm always makes me quesy. So I did the smart thing and looked away.

My pumping was quite impressive tonight, if I must say so. I've tapped into this great process - where I can double or triple my pumping power if I bike over to the center, before donating. This gets my pulse & blood pressure moving along at high speeds & definately helps in the flow of things. The only flaw - is the ride home. Most times, biking home means biking home a little dizzy, not to mention, as I'm biking and clenching the handlebars, there is a tendency to rupture the newly formed clot on my arm, so the damn hole in my arm opens up again & I start leaking like a faulty pipe. Oops - so, my process isn't perfect, but it gets the job done. I imagine it's quite an interesting site - for people walking by. 'Uhm, excuse me lady, you're leaking?'

I was in and out in a jiffy tonight - but I drank so much cranberry juice at the center my tummy is ready to pop. Not to mention, it's probably made me incredibly 'regular''. ha ha. gotta love the cranberries.

So, glad to be done for the next few months. As much as I love donating, this company I donate through are real 'bloodsuckers'. A few weeks before I'm cleared to donate, I get these random, psycho-killer calls. It's deafly quite for the first 4 seconds, then an eery recording starts playing - some dude who's life was saved with the help of 'your' donation. It's a great idea, but the calls always freak me out - they're just weird. Then, once I am eligible to donate, I get a call every day with someone trying to schedule me in. This goes on for awhile. Half the time, I just never hear the phone ring, and half the time, well, I play hard to get... I let them call over & over (to get them back for all the freaky phone calls I keep getting), eventually though I call them back & schedule.

Wrath of the Librarian

2007-09-10T20:14:00.000-05:00

I had a momentary panic attack this evening.
I was driving along, off an errand, and was casually listening to NPR on the radio. At one point a woman started talking about how she was in the lobby of her dentist and picked up a magazine on "the 10 money mistakes that could cripple your savings". She started to list off the financial mistakes that we're all well aware of, but then at number 9 was: "Don't forget to pay your library fines for overdue books" I started to laugh - come-on! library book fines! no way! Well, turns out, the woman was right. She said libraries are no longer taking it up the arse from their members. They're standing up and fighting for their rights & for their nickels. Apparently, some of the more vicious ones are hiring collection agencies to retrieve what's due to them, & others are even going as far as reporting these dues to the credit bureaus & trashing peoples' credit scores. < Here's the article >

I almost slammed on the brakes in a panic. SHIT!!
Before I moved to Forest Park (2+ years ago), I was across the street in Oak Park (or what I lovingly call, Oak No Parking) and used the library all the time. (Libraries are the best!) However, I did a stupid thing and lent a friend a library book who never returned the damn thing till several months later. (the bastard) But, it was after I had moved, so I figured I never had to repay it - seeing as I would never use the OP Library in the future. Well, forget that - the OP Library has more nazi nastiness running through their blood, than did the Germans. I could totally envision them putting forth the effort and crippling all the irresponsible library patrons. I could just see it now - I'm minutes away from finalizing my mortgage on brand new diggs & wha-la, my credit score turns sour due to a frikin' library book, a frikin library book! This would only happen to me (maybe my sister, too) - totally possible.

So, I ditched the errand I was on, and scrambled to the library. I ran in, seeing as it's about to close in 10 minutes, got up to the front desk, sincerely confessed my guilt to the librarian about my irresponsibleness, and braced for the gargantuan fee that the library has been continually growing for the past 2+ years. The librarian punched in my account name, spit out a receipt & handed it to me. I wanted to laugh - $1.50??? Ya gotta be kidding! That's it? I had a panic attack over $1.50? God, I need to start practicing yoga or breathing exercises.

In my defense, though, had I given the OP Library a few more months, another year?, I know they would've set loose a collection agency on my arse or turned me in to the credit bureau. I was lucky - this time.

City-Tuff

2007-09-09T17:49:00.000-05:00

It's a basic principle - when people are in small numbers & with plenty of space to enjoy, they do good. But when you throw lots of people together in a congested space, (like in a city) it tends to get rough outside & people start to show their nasty side. Sure, this is a familiar idea, I just had no idea the principle also applied to city wildlife, like squirrels!

I'm walking up my patio stairs today, I reach to pull open the door, and from out of the blue a 3 inch chicken bone falls from the sky & lands an inch from my foot. I was thoroughly disgusted. Call me crazy, but chicken bones shouldn't be just flyin' from the sky. I looked up to try to figure this mystery out, & lo and behold, I saw a little turd of a squirrel eating his dinner up in the tree above, & obviously dropping what he was done with.

I was quite happy that I had luckily avoided being hit by the bone, but really, what the f##k? Since when did squirrels become carniverous / omnivorous? I thought they ate fruit & nuts? Chicken?? Really? Am I just out-of-the-loop as far as with the dining habits of squirrels, OR has the food situation become so desperate in the area that it's come to this? Has the city & its overcrowding & space engulfing tendencies just pushed these creatures to unnatural extremes? I don't know? What I do know is - I'm no longer gonna underestimate these bushy-tailed creatures & I'm no longer gonna leave my dog outside in the yard - just in case they get hungry & decide to add 'dog' to their menu.

Parking Fee-Asco

2007-09-09T10:51:00.001-05:00

Mayor Daley (of Chicago)(the 2nd one) has got the best scam going. And, to be fair, I would expect nothing less of him.

I had to go downtown this weekend, and because I had no choice this itme, I was forced to drive in. (Something I enjoy just as much as having my gums scraped) I had to be on the east side, so I parked in the garage sitting right under grant park or millenium park, one of the two - couldn't tell. (Which btw - I'm still incredibly impressed by - seeing as Millenium Park is the world's biggest green roof - a massive park sitting on top of a garage - as well as - holding a giant ice rink on top of that garage in the wintertime - holy shit - that kinda makes me nervous) I park the car, nice & easy, and head upstairs. Right before I leave I notice the parking fees. Now, I was gonna be there for about 2 hours, I was thinking it would probably be around $6 or $10. ha! I obviously had forgotten what city I was in. So, here's the parking fee scale, or perhaps I should more appropriately call, parking fee scam:

$8 - 0 to 1/2 hour
$14 - 1/2 to 1 hour
$18 - 1 to 2 hours
$22 - 2 to 8 hours
$24 - 8 to 12 hours
$25 - 12 to 24 hours

The city obviously knows if you're stupid enough to park here, you're only gonna be here for an hour or two, so in order to take full advantage of all of this, that's when they really sock it to ya. I could be parked down there for an hour or for a day, and almost pay the exact same fee. Those bastards! Objectively, I must admit, this is a brilliant revenue-generating idea, but from the perspective of an innocent resident - I must say -- The city sucks ass!!! And, I better see some nice improvements to the city if they're gonna -in my face- rob me blind.

Everything Sucks.. Literally!

2007-09-06T22:14:00.000-05:00

I've hit an all-time low. I found myself this evening with the fridge door open & mainlining grape jelly from a container topped with a nipple? i needed some quick energy - what can i say?

but, my question is, why does everything nowadays come with some version of a quick & easy nipple top? Now, I admit, it is fun to suck out jelly from a nipple, but, jesus, everything these days comes with a nipple top. Has the marketing department done extensive research & found that we all secretly enjoy sucking on teets - from a deprival of it back when we were babes? And to compensate for this deprival, they're now topping everything in a liquid or gelataneous form with a nipple? Instant Hit - they think. ..uhhhmmm... i guess they aren't all so crazy.. just looking in my fridge, 1/4 of the contents inside are nipple-equipped in some manner? So, it looks like.. apparently i've bought into it all.... just scary!

now.. if only peanut butter could be adapted with one - than i'd be set!

Playin' with your Weenie!

2007-09-05T21:29:00.000-05:00

Hands down.. this is best damn invention ever! Who wouldn't want to play with their weenie!
Pick up your OCTODOG today!

The Wrong Time

2007-09-05T20:44:00.000-05:00

One more stupid thought for the day... I live in the central time zone.. so let's say it's 9:00pm. I know that in New York City it's the eastern time zone so it's 10pm.. well, what the f##k time zone / what the f##k time is it in Antarctica?

Is it carved up like a sliced pie and every 100 miles or so it's a new time zone? Or is it so damn far out & so damn cold down there that they just don't get a time zone? Shit, it's perpetually white & bright outside, so even if you had time, it would be irrelevant to your body cuz it's perpetually confused? ha ha.. i kid, i'm sure they have something that keeps the 2 inhabitants down there grounded.. i mean, come-on, they need to know when the ice-breakin' boat is returning to take them back to civilization, right?

...and then what about the north pole? if you were directly on top of the north pole point, what time would it be?? interesting...

Color Me Stupid

2007-09-05T20:05:00.000-05:00

Everyone has a favorite color, a color that they personally prefer over all others. My favorite color is cranberry red or raspberry red.. but i was thinking today.. what if all this time we all think we like different colors but in actuality we all like the same color - we just see colors differently?.. in a different light? Wouldn't that just make us seem silly? Maybe that was done so that we wouldn't all be fighting over the "red" pieces when we're playing games like 'Sorry' or 'Candyland'? ..just a thought..

Flat but not Dull...

2007-09-04T21:48:00.000-05:00

When you dream at night you subconsciously relax, rethink the day, solve problems, sort your thoughts out and so on.. well, when i go bike riding, i do the exact same, yet in a conscious mode.
My bike rides.. they're a source of relaxation for me.. a time when i can mobil-y meditate & rethink the day's activities, disasters & unfinished thoughts.. awwwww. gotta love 'em.

Now, back when i was growing up in Omaha, NE, my rides consisted of hill after hill. it was some serious exercise goin' on. just loved it. Then when i moved to Charlotte, NC, i lived for a time next to a university that was situated on top of a severly hilly plot of land, so again, i got a great routine out of it.. And then, then... I moved to the chicago area.. I couldn't get over the change of landscape - let's just say the area is flatter than Debra Messing's chest... ha! just kidding DEB!

My quads were just devastated - what a disappointment!!! The only inkling of a hill was a man-made one- created from a street overpass.. ugggh.. total disappointment!!

Disappointed, but it seems that i've found a replacement for the hilly course.. I keep noticing that many times when i go out for my ride - i crank up all the gears - and somehow i keep finding myself wandering into bad neighborhoods.. either west out in maywood/bellwood or east in the city at austin & in garfield park.. oops.. point is.. i keep ending up in bad neighborhoods & once i realize the crowds have turned rough & they're lookin' at me funny (turd in the punchbowl effect), i find myself booking like a motha-fker to get out of these bad neighborhoods.. It's not the best of situations to be in, but on the up-side, i get a great workout. My rock-hard thighs could probably bust a coconut open or bust a head.. if ever i needed to?

Vodka-licious

2007-09-04T03:26:00.001-05:00

The village i live in - Forest Park - threw a big centennial fest this weekend. The main reason I went was because i heard the city was sponsoring (1 of many things) a vodka tent. My vision was of a german beer tent - a huge tent filled with about 100 seats, everyone sloshing around mugs of vodka, singing stupid beer or i guess rather vodka songs & everyone plastered beyond belief.. Unfortunately, reality fell a little short. It was just a stand with a tent canopy devoted to pouring out absolut vodka & chasers & lacking everything else. Good thing that the barrista was being way too generous on how much vodka she was pouring out, otherwise it would've been a complete letdown. So because of the above - let's just say i was in a very happy state for the majority of the evening. Disappointed about the tent, but happy from all the mystical powers coming from the vodka. BTW, did i mention the municipality was sponsoring a frikin' vodka-tent??? i love forest park - this happens ONLY IN forest park..

No Baloney with Tony!

2007-09-04T03:17:00.000-05:00

I saw Tony Bennett this weekend up at Ravinia. Just an amazing show! The guy's got class coming out the wazoo & even at age 81 or 82 can still throw a damn good show. amazing.. although i'm not totally convinced what i was witnessing wasn't a robot? (not that his performance was robotic, but that he was still pulling a damn good show at 81, good lord, that's amazing!) The best was when he still, at age 81, was working the moves - doin' spins & saches & all sorts of dance moves. Every time he did, i roared in applause & yet at the same time feared that he'd fall & break his hip? Go Tony! Tony the Tiger!!!

The only part of the show i gagged on was when his daughter Antonia (of course) did a few songs. good god.. someone needs to tell her she didn't inherit his singing talent. Her voice was way too screechy for my likes. I instantly understood why i had never heard of the gal before.

Hot Cou-ture

2007-09-03T03:32:00.000-05:00

this is the last 'fashion' related blog I'm doing for awhile.. someone might actually start thinking i like this shit.. but i just gotta say.. haute couture.. love it!

so, watching yet another documentary (how i start 3/4 of my conversations with friends) this time though.. it was on haute couture.. i've seen the name.. but never knew what the hell it was about. shit.. due to my lack of knowledge of french pronunciation i thought the damn word was pronounced "hot co-ture" for the longest time.. brilliant, yes i know.

Anyways, so, when the show first explained it, i immediately was disgusted by the ungodly amount of $$ that these women paid for the clothes.. were they frikin' kidding?? 1 coat costing $50,000??? what an incredible amount of wasted $$.. think of all the good they could have done with the moola instead?? anyways, so that was my initial reaction.. but eventually, as i learned what it was.. i started to understand the fascination.. & by the end, i even wanted a piece. ha! these pieces were really stunning pieces of art. They were handcrafted pieces of art, created by a slowly disappearing force of skilled tradesmen & artists. Each piece was not just somethin' off the rack, but a piece of art that took months to envision & to create. The design & the work that went into it all was absolutely stunning.. and when i learned.. they were not just clothes, but instead equivalent to purchasing artwork, like a picasso or a monet, i understood why these pieces were so coveted.

So, here's my compromise..
I understand why people buy into it & collect it.. I'm o.k. with it - as long as they treat at as art, as displaying a masterpiece, or even wearing it as artwork, but if someone was to treat it as clothingware & potentially drop ketchup on it or spill their soup on it.. i'm completely disgusted & feel this person should get food poisoning to be punished for this eccentric purchase.

my last thought is.. now granted the english language has some seriously ridiculous rules & spelling to it.. i just don't understand why it is in the french language that if you want to pronounce a word like "haute" you need all the complexity & extra letters to it, when you barely even pronounce the damn word.. can't the word be expressed in a much simpler way? ...so i could look at the word & have a respectable chance at guessing its pronunciation? the french have to be difficult, don't they - perhaps to weed out the unworthy speakers? ha ha. touche!

Hair's To Ya!

2007-09-03T02:52:00.000-05:00

ehh my god.. i was watching pbs the other night and this bizarre documentary came on.. i had no idea what i was getting into... but was just stunned as i watched on.. It interviewed & documented the members from TEAM USA (for male & female hairdos) that were heading to HAIRWORLD 2006 in Moscow. What the f##k??

This was the first time i even heard of the damn thing - but holy shit, it was crazyness! Worldwide olympics for hairstyling - ya gotta be kidding!! but wow - as i watched on, it was actually some amazing shit! The styles & the training & the dedication that went into it - was just unreal. These people trained for like 12 hours everyday, for months, for years, leading up to the competition.. this "sport?" was as intense as boxing or gymnastics. this was a world i had never even known existed. an underground community dedicated to hair perfection.

Now, for the record, i'm not into hairdo's & hairdoing, but damn, i'm in total awe of what these stylists could do with hair.. the styles they created & perfected were simply amazing!!! just unreal.. (my favs were when the styles were inpired from flowers, naturally inspired you could say.. just stunning) & again, as i said earlier - the effort, devotion & dedication that went into it was really frikin' impressive. View some of styles from Moscow 2006

oh my god,, hairworld 2008 is coming to chicago. i'm totally going to this event!! check out the preview here!! March 1 -3rd, 2008. Here's a little intro bit:
"Known as the "Olympics of Hair," the 2008 OMC HairWorld Championships of Beauty will draw more than 1,000 competitors and teams representing 50 plus countries. The OMC HairWorld Championship Arena will be the setting of the thrilling three-day competitions, which will include contests in hair, nails and makeup, many of which offer separate awars for "seniors" (licensed professionals) and juniors (professionals and students under the age of 25)."

damn, doesn't look like it's open to the public! i've encountered a snarl/tangle to my hairdreams. or maybe not.. hmmm.

Sweet Sweat?

2007-09-01T13:32:00.001-05:00

there are very few good things regarding sweat.. scratch that.. one good thing i can say about sweat, is that sometimes it can speak out to you... ha ha.. in a way.. Ya see, today in my step aerobics class, i was doin' my thang.. steppin' away, sweatin' away like everyone else and i glanced upwards at the woman in front of me.. i started to chuckle. On the back of her t-shirt her sweat had started to seep through and lo and behold she had sweated the form of a smily face. It was rather funny.. i had this smiley face staring right at me... so what could i do, but smile right back at it. It obviously liked that, so for the next 10 minutes the smile & the eyes kept getting bigger & bigger.. likewise so did my smile.. but the fun had to end sooner or later as the class was getting more & more intense & eventually the face was swallowed up by an overwhelming amount of sweat. so sad to see it go, but it was rather funny to witness such natural form of art. Does anybody else ever notice things like this? or am i just weird? i don't know?

This was funny, but definately not the first time I've received subliminal sweat messages. One time, about 6 months ago at the gym, I was procrastinating - sitting on the leg curl machine - and this big buff guy walked towards me heading to the water fountain... his face was dripping sweat and right on his chest was, swear to god, a big heart shaped sweat stain. Now that was frikin' awesome.. It was so hard not to bust out laughing, but i figured probably not such a good idea..

The Big Ten Rocks!

2007-08-28T02:19:00.000-05:00

Everyone has a logo these days.. but what distinguishes your everyday logo from a damn good logo can be seen right here with the Big Ten Logo. It rocks! Now sure..., you could say i'm biased seeing as I attended one of the participating big ten colleges, but i'll be honest, i could care less about the sports (perhaps this stems from the fact that when i attended my college, all the big teams were having lousy seasons), but what I appreciate.. is the logo. The conference (from what i understand) started off with ten schools - henceforth Big TEN - but at some point over the years added an eleventh team. Notice the hidden 11 on either sides of the "T" in "Ten". Brilliant, just frikin' brilliant.. when your logo is as magical as this.. well, that just put it into a whole new category of "damn good logo." I wonder how many people have not even noticed this?

When Band-aids Go Bad

2007-08-28T02:03:00.001-05:00

last week i had a carton of soy milk go bad on me.. and when soy milk goes bad, it goes bad. The kind of bad where the whole container puffs up from air and when you shake it, you can hear clumps banging the walls. The funniest or warptest thing is, instead of just pitching it immediately, i have to open it up and smell it & watch the clumps jump around to witness it firsthand - merely for that "ewwwww, i'm gonna throw up factor.. the 'i gotta 1st hand smell the rotten funk'" experience.. i don't know why i enjoy grossing myself out, weird habit, i can't explain it... anyways, so same deal with band-aids.

Now generally, band-aids have a good day or maybe 3 day lifespan, all depending on how many times the band-aid is exposed to water. Having a band-aid on your finger generally shortens the lifespan to a day or 2. Now i say this, not because they necessarily fall off, but because within this timespan they pick up a nasty-ass smell (rubber material reacting to the water) very similiar to the smell off an uncooked hot dog. It's so gross!! yeeck!! But again, if the band-aid has acquired this funk & I'm not in the position to quickly slap a new one on, but instead have to deal with it all day - I do find that every once in a while I slip the thing near my nose.. just to gross myself out with it's nasty smell. Maybe it's just fascination that such an innocent item can generate such putridness? a bandaid.... smelling like a hotdog.. how does this happen? is it magic? i have no explanation for this.. nor do i have an explanation as to why i'm involunteerily drawn to smelling it?

Move over bacon, i've got somethin' leaner

2007-08-26T17:26:00.000-05:00

I was relaxing at one of my nearby parks this weekend - yes, i admit, i'm a sun-worshipper - enjoying the beautiful weather we're having, and it suddenly dawned on me as i looked around and saw other sun-worshippers... what the hell are we doing? really?

Now, myself, i prefer just to sink into the cushiony green grass, spread out the arms & legs and just soak it all in (alpha, gamma, & whatever other rays the sun throws at us).. this action requires no equipment - towels, sunscreen, babyoil, chairs, and the like.. but, thinking back to my childhood & just looking around the park, the norm is to butter up with babyoil with the sole intention of acquiring that golden bronze coveted tan.

Now, personally, i'm all for the tan & for the freckles vs. for that white pasty look i often dawn.. but is this really the right thing to do? I'm no dermatologist, and I'm not referring to the skin damage part of sun-tanning - I'm referring to the whole principle of the act.

What really distinguishes suntanning from browning a pound of ground chuck, a slab of bacon or chicken breast? seriously - what's the diff??? With beef & bacon, i just slap the slab of beef/bacon onto a pan, turn up the heat and watch the meat ooze out all the internal fat/oil and eventually turn a different color or crisp up.. (self emulsifiers - cool) and with the chicken - I squeeze a tablespoon of oil in the pan, get it to cover the full breast, expose it to some heat, the small internal oil/water comes out and the chicken transforms into a beautifully bronzed meal? Isn't this exactly what we do to ourselves - we slap on babyoil all over our exposed skin, add some heat, au-natural, and wal-lah.. our skin oozes out internal water/oil and eventually transforms into a beautiful bronze color... If a human eater / cannibal were in the vicinity of a park on a hot day, i bet they'd be licking their lips, gazing at all the sunbathers.. and shit, i hear we taste like chicken anyway??

All i have to say is - browning meat will no longer be the same for me.. everytime I have to do it, i'm gonna have this warped image of me, inside the pan, sizzlin' up. Is it correct to say - i've slowly been cooking myself for the past 20,30 years.. gawwwhh, by the time I reach 70, i may be overcooked & shriveled? what an image!

Once More - Don't Underestimate The Turtle!

2007-08-21T15:07:00.000-05:00

I was out walking through my neighborhood the other week, and lo and behold, tacked to a tree was a missing sign. Not your everyday missing sign though - this one had a picture of a turtle basking in his terrarium, and titled "Missing: Barney the Turtle. Please call xxxx if you find him!" The thought of a turtle, MIA, out, roaming the streets was hilarious. How could this happen? The possible scenarios I try to think up... well, i'm just stumped.. and I can't think any up. Every time I see it though or think about it, I just laugh.

My Cousin Gave Me a Venereal Disease.. Kinda.

2007-08-05T10:57:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I'm saying this.. but it's true.. my cousin gave me a venereal disease.

A few weeks back, my cousin calls me out of the blue to talk. It was late in the night and I never heard my cell phone ring. I woke up in the morning, checked my phone.. I saw the icon indicating that I missed his call. I pressed the button to listen to the message, and nothing happened. I called the voicemail number and it said I had no message, yet again, the voicemail icon was still in the window. what the #$@! The damn phone refused to give me his message. I turned the phone off, then on again.. nothing.. I shut it off, recharged it, turned it back on, and still nothing?? No matter what i did, i could not get the message & no matter what i did, I could not get rid of the damn voicemail message icon. My phone is permanently f#!ked up & constantly keeps telling me i have voicemail. god damnit.. and there's no cure! Thanks alot Cuz! I don't know what the hell you did, but you've permanently f#!ked up my phone. I owe you!

Funny thing is, though, a week later, I called him for some reason or the other, I he got the same VD. I couldn't stop laughing.. at how ridiculous this was! How the hell does this happen!! and with cell phones??? The weirdest thing i've ever heard! Unfortunately though, his VD cleared up within a few days.. so unfair. why can't my VD clear up?

Fresh Perspectives

2007-07-29T04:34:00.001-05:00

This weekend I went out to a small city outside of Rockford, IL to visit a friend of mine. The area she lived in was beautiful, but the best part of where she lived was that she lived in a little airport community. That is.. a bunch of houses sprawled around a tiny little airport. It was too cool. After lunch, her husband took my friend and I up into the sky in their little 4-man airplane. The plane was built in the late 40s and well, let's just say technology-wize - really looked it's age. I couldn't believe it had lasted this long.. You could literally reach your hand out, pull a cord, disable a portion of the plane & plummet to your death.. it was all 'old school' flying. pretty cool.. and yet at the same time, a little frightening..

The view was just stunning up at 800 ft.. the perfect distance up above to get a fresh perpective yet at the same time, see all the details. the midwest farm-belt is so pretty from up above.. the cornfields with their perfectly textured designs, the perfectly square platted farm fields, the clumps of forested areas, the irregular lines that sometimes disrupted the ground below.. and the best was following the rivers wind through and through the fertile lands in snake like patterns, ..all of it - just mesmerizing. i was so mesmerized by the view, and leaning over so far.. i easily could've accidentally fallen out.

The ride was a little nautious.. we had to wear the bad-ass headphones (equiped with microphones), we felt every bit of horsepower coming from the engine, breathed in those lovely gas fumes, and quezzed out every time the G-forces jumped.. but an amazing experience i'd repeat any time!

Cruisin' for a Bruisin'

2007-07-20T14:21:00.000-05:00

My commute in to work never fails to entertain… in some way, shape or form. The best story.. and something I remembered this morning.. was the time when I met up with the Italian Stallion. Who’d believe it, but on a 3,4 lane highway out in the west Chicago suburbs, in the right lane, I see this old man, maybe 60ish or so, cruisin’ down the highway maybe going 20 or 25 mph in a motorized wheelchair/scooter kind of deal. He’s got this awesome red pennant on a stick attached to the back of the seat, fluttering in the wind up above him, he’s got the big wire basket in front of the handlebars filled with wrapped parcels, he has the old school Italian man beret, the “too short” pants from the 50s, exposing his classy white socks, and then the best part, the flashy black windbreaker with the words in big flashy bold red letters “ITALIAN STALLION” on his back. The guy rocks! He’s on his way to… somewhere.. in the middle of a busy highway.. in the middle of morning rush hour traffic.. and the guy is as happy-go-lucky as one could be.. completely oblivious to what’s going on around him.. like the 3 mile backup he’s caused by riding in 1/3 of the lane. A 1/3 of the lane - just enough to make it impossible for one to pass or to maneuver around him without overtaking the next lane over & rubbin’ with someone else. The site of all of this… just makes me smile. Well, curse in 3 languages initially, but when my blood pressure has resumed normal levels, smile.

Refuge in Refugees

2007-07-19T08:36:00.000-05:00

Just last week I became a volunteer in helping refugees resettle in the Chicago area. I wanted to start this next blog to document the amazing experience of it all.. through my eyes & maybe through the eyes of the refugee...

VIEW THIS BLOG

Wobbles

2007-07-18T08:31:00.000-05:00

I was walking into work today... half asleep like always.. but that's ok.. as my walk in is probably half a mile in distance. the building i work at is a 2,3 story, massive building flattened like a pancake.. a ridiculously spread out building & a tremendous amount of wasted space.. but my point is.. it's such a trek to my desk, that by the time i get there i have officially woken up.

So anyways, walking in, and as i pick up speed, i find myself walking right behind this blonde woman. I could really care less who it is, but i'm mesmerized by this woman. not because of her looks or her gargantuan height, but because i've never seen anyone so unstable walking. the chick is wearing these 4 inch black stilleto heals... every time she takes a step, her foot wobbles once, twice, three times, back & forth. wobble, wobble, wobble.. it was unreal.

i kept waiting for her heal to snap off or for her ankle to collapse and the woman to tumble over. it was really stressing me out.. it was like waiting for the pot to boil over, the alarm clock to start screaming out, the gun to go off... disaster was eminent.. it was just a matter of time. so my question is.. what would possess someone to even buy/wear a pair of shoes so unstable that it would in no doubt cause bodily harm at some point? how could this woman take one step and not feel the instability? just amazing what we humans do for beauty.. if only this girl knew how ridiculous she looked.

i've never witnessed this before.. was it because her foot was too wide & the shoe couldn't take it? was it too much weight for such a delicate heel? was it because the woman was clueless as to how to walk with high heels? or maybe..., was it because when she walks, her foot unnaturally turns out & thereby causes instability on the delicate heel?? it's a mystery..

Where Am I Again?

2007-07-17T13:09:00.000-05:00

I was driving home from work the other day, approximately 10 miles directly west from chicago's loop... and lo and behold.. i had to swerve my car erratically into the ongoing lane, just to avoid hitting a deer running across the street. what the ##@%^??

10 miles out from one of the busiest cities in the country & i can still find deer??? by some freak instance, the deer have stood their ground (well, i'm sure with some help from all the nature lovers) & taken refuge in a small but precious piece of forest reserve lying on the outskirts of the city. that's just amazing they're there... hopefully it won't be me accidentally running them over?

It's a SIGN!

2007-07-12T16:22:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, i was at the annual Taste of Chicago. why i continue to attend, i just don't know, but somehow i always manage to appear at this hell-of-a-vest. I'm a total claustra-phobe when it comes to 5 jillion people all packed together, not to mention sweating it out amidst 95 degree weather on top of steam rolling over the crowds from all the open barbecue pits. it's so gross.. i can't decide what's worse - being rubbed by stranger sweat or being smeared by turkey leg / corn butter / fry grease. yuck..

anyways, so i was attending the black crows concert. very cool. i had seats right up front. just amazing. not to mention the fact - i could actually see the stage AND the band. this hasn't happened since the 80s. Anyways, i'm enjoying the concert and out of the side of my eye, i noticed on stage, to the side, was a sign-language interpreter. it was just bizarre. Now, i know he was there because for all city-wide events it's required to have a signer there interpreting the spoken.. but never, had i ever seen a signer interpreting a music concert.

My first question is - why would a deaf person be at a music concert? now, i know that lyrics are supposed to be somewhat poetic, but when you listen to the black crows lyrics as mere words, well... i'd consider them more groove-artists than poets. in a song - the rhythm & tone speaks more to me than the words.. oh wait - that's probably because i can rarely decipher what the hell the lyrics are? The best part - was that the signer was rockin' out & doing the head bob as he's signing. I couldn't stop laughing.. it was hilarious.

and then my next question is... how in the hell was he able to sign to music when the singer was barely audible - seeing as the singer was mumbling & half-baked? and how do you sign to a main singer plus a back-up chorus. somehow, it just seems, that a deaf person isn't going to get the full glory of the song? no? sure - maybe he had written down lyrics? but still, the crows ad-lib through out the concert, not to mention throw in direct comments to the crowd. damn... ya gotta be pretty on-top of things to do this job. if i was the signer, i'd just make up alot of shit to pretend that i actually knew what the singer was saying. ha ha.

-------------ADDENDUM------------

Thankyou "bexx" for your kind, enlightening comments on the purpose of these interpreters & that these concerts really are appreciated by the deaf. You have some very good points. I should have thought about it more..

Two additional comments that I have are:
#1 - I would imagine if I was deaf & listening to a concert on such a spread out scale, the only way to fully enjoy it & experience it would be to sit right up front & near the speakers. This way you could pick up on the rhythm? no? And, if this is the case I would hope the city has a section saved for the deaf.

#2 - The interpreter was still hilarious to watch. Not because he was signing - but because the guy was groovin'. And I totally respect & admire him for doing so. That's his "I don't give a crap about what you think - I'm on stage, you're not, & I'm diggin' it"

Butter-fingered

2007-06-28T09:40:00.000-05:00

The NEW Butterfinger Stixx

Nestle’s Definition: Milk chocolate covered wafer with Butterfinger® candy créme
My Definition: a piroulline stuffed with a butterfinger and then coated in nestle chocolate.

I was intrigued. 2 sweets I love.. how could you go wrong? But, definitely a letdown. The piroulline part lacks the nutella which is the highpoint and the butterfinger part lacks that butterfingery goodness that you find in a butterfinger… so I guess you could say – it’s a washed out version of both sweets. Now granted as a “sweet” it still manages to satiate my 3pm chocolate fix, but if I had a full line up of sweets to choose from – this would not be at the other end of my $1 bill.

On a side note – I really do appreciate Butterfingers’ experimental nature. The bar - a classic, the balls – perfect for quick popping fun, the crisp – I can’t remember.. this may require further research, but the stixx – a total letdown.. now, one other concoction, not under the butterfinger name, but a southern goody – is the Chick-O-Stick.

Atkinson Candy Co’s Definition: Crunchy Peanut Butter and Toasted Coconut Candy.
My Definition: butterfingery goodness covered in fuzz, left fully exposed for one to enjoy. Tasty! And definitely one of the few successes I applaud the south for.

More Mies Please

2007-06-27T20:13:00.000-05:00

This is absolutely hilarious.. well, it helps to know who mies van der rohe was.. but a hilarious video nonetheless.

When fan-doms Collide

2007-06-27T09:05:00.001-05:00

just wrong...

Born Again Italian?

2007-06-25T21:08:00.000-05:00

i recently returned from italy. just an amazing experience. sure i had an idea of what to expect, but wow, was i wrong! rome blew me away, my vision of it was so off! this was my first time in europe - and shit - i knew kinda what to expect, but in the back of my head i guess i assumed it to be somewhat like america's big cities? - with skyscrapers and all? we landed and i was stunned.. where's the frikin' city, where's the grid? and good god, i never realized how close it was to the ocean.. i guess my american geography is good, but take me anywhere else, and i get a whopping F. god, i need to get out more and stop traveling through books, tv, movies..

it was so beautiful, everywhere, especially the countrysides & mountains, but to be clear, i definately do not speak of naples. pshaw!!! it has beauty.. just tucked under feet of filth & haze & crawling with criminals & stink. you know you've failed as a city, when the tourists are warned not to go through the city... what's up with that? plus, who in their right minds plants a city & sticks everything they have - life included - just a few miles from an active volcano? are you kidding me? what part of active volcano do you not understand!!!

--ADDENDUM--
I give Naples a hard time. just found out that when I was visiting the city, the garbage collectors were on strike & the city was suffering because of it. No wonder it was so dreadfully stinky & hazy. wish i had time to explore the more beautiful parts of it (versus just near the harbors) - as i'm sure it has some.
---------------------

best parts
- loved the maritime pine trees everywhere (in rome).. the prettiest trees.. imagine these extremely tall, thin trunks, going higher & higher, (which you can look right through - that is - between the trunks) than POOF, a huge umbrella like explosion at the top, and since they're all lined in staggered, close rows, they create this amazing umbrella for the ground below. gorgeous.

- the fact that everything is just bathed in beauty. i have a love for travertine marble. it's the most amazing material you'll ever see - this white/grayish slab of marble with all these irregular punctures & pockmarks throughout - it reminds me of jagged shards of bone, or something that's just alive and breathing.. i'll get a picture of this this weekend.. but my point is.. in america, you only see it on buildings where the $$$ are aplenty.. my favorite instances are on mies' modernist buildings... the man knew where & how to use it & where it would be taken care of.. stunning, just stunning.. anyway, in italy, shit, it's everywhere.. i couldn't believe my eyes.. i shouldn't be surprised, it's frikin' quarried there, but i was just blown away.. it's everywhere - on the crappiest of buildings, subway stations, just everywhere.. the only unfortunate part is - it's not really taken care of, and, in lots of places, the pockmarks are filled in with some tar-rish material.. which completely ruins it.

- capri... the Grotta Azzurra. a breathtaking experience that pictures nor words could capture the magic of. let's just say - one of the finest examples of nature's majesty. an unreal experience. a combination of sunlight, darkened caves, & light refraction - creating the most beautiful glimmering saphirre explosion through the ocean's water. a must see.

so - i'm half italian, this was my first trip over there.. and finally after years of prodding from my mother & sister.. i went.. i'm still contemplating the experience, but as of now, 3 major thoughts have surfaced in my mind.

#1 - "it all makes sense now." this thought keeps surfacing to the front of my mind.. i guess everyone feels this if they're raised in America, heavily influenced by another culture, but not truly knowing exactly where it all comes from & the reason for it all. but finally, after seeing italy, the mother country, it was like i was finally coming to grips with who i am? crazy? am i a born again italian? i guess it's like in math class when you're force-fed an equation in order to get a solution.. ya just do it cuz you know it works... but ya never question it. i guess i kinda feel that's what i grew up with... my mom raised us on her roots, but until i actually went over and saw it & experienced it - i never really valued or understood why or who we were?

#2 - now that #1 has happened - i'm not so sure i am italian? i'm american, not italian. i loved the importance on family over there, life's simplicity & all, but i was SOOOO turned off by all the materialism over there.. they put everything into their looks & clothes & into looking good.. which is so not my cup of tea. it's what's inside that matters.. the outside is an irrelevant shell that you were born with.. it's the inside, the heart, the soul, that you mold, that you shape.. that you are..

it was ridiculous - every hour on the hour the italian news was running a new fashion show. fashion changed every hour... and this was the news of the day. ha ha. i kid, but what i don't kid about - is how bad their fashion was.. i was appalled by what they considered "high fashion". the only thing i agreed with were the jeans.. well, sometimes... they still even managed to screw those up.

#3 - the tradeoff - what's the better choice?

italy = simple life, simple values, 2 hour meals, slow & sleepy days, handwashed clothes, handmade bread & cheese & pasta, no internet, no car, small quiet village in the mountains, family all in one cramped little space, 1000 year old history & buildings & community, farmland to grow your fruit on, fresh food from the daily market, unemployment, sitting on the patio all day, very little money..

america = busy, complicated life, city life, full-time job + overtime, gym schedule, car, technology, internet, convenience, rush hour traffic, $$ in the bank, independence, long-distance family...

i don't know what's better - maybe it's irrelevant where you've been plopped down.. maybe what's important is - how you live your life & what you get out of it?

Synchronized Pissing

2007-06-25T20:41:00.001-05:00

the bizarrest phenomonem.. by far... so, today... i'll be honest, i drank alot of water. lots more than i generally do. why? i'm not sure.. maybe because it was handy.. so i go to the restroom and begin the routine... at the same time someone else comes in and gets situated.. i begin the race.. and wow, am i going strong.. and going and going, and while i am just in awe of how much liquid ammo i have acquired this afternoon, all of a sudden, i hear my pissing in stereo.. as my neighbor has just joined in, contributing the exact same tone to the airwaves as i have done. it was just the bizarrest experience.. musical perhaps.. but an experience shared only for a minute as she eventually tapered off. i did one last lap around, so to speak, and then finally i was empty. peeing in stereo.. bizarre!!! there will be no pictures for this post.. i'm not that gross. and here begins the first entry..